


I'll be your mirror

by madafred



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluffy Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pre-Canon, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch Is Gay for Simon Snow, baz does though holy shit does he know, baz healing arc starts now, simon just dosent know yet, soulmates man good shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:40:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25665295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madafred/pseuds/madafred
Summary: Baz would never say that his life was easy. There are many things about his life  and himself that he wishes he could change; he's a vampire, He's the sole Pitch Heir, and he's hopelessness in love with an idiot. However, growing up he believed that he got the shitty end of the stick for a reason. Because what ever God existed up above was saving something truly special for him. Now he knows. This is it, it must be.There are tears in his eyes, falling like a spring shower or a baptism. He reads them- the words on his wrist- so beautiful he can't believe it- Simon Snow.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 54
Kudos: 188





	1. Reflect who you are.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is my first fic in the carry on fandom. I really love these two, and I really love the soulmate trope.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz wakes up on his 18th birthday and learns the name of his soulmate.

_**Baz POV** _

Being half-way through the school year is a difficult time for me. The beginning always brings new thought of Simon, and a growing anticipation to see him; while the end of the year relieves me of the constant duty of marveling at him. But the middle? The middle of the year fills me with dread and astonishment alike. Sometimes it's too much to handle. Being beside him always leaves me conflicted.

I used to find joy in this solemn time by riling him up like a wind up toy, constantly insulting and poking at him till he went off. But the days of playing the evil Pitch heir are behind me.

Now that I've pretty much given up seriously antagonizing him, the middle of the year leaves me.. _yearning and moping._

Frankly, it's pathetic and I know it, but it seems like I just can't help myself.

Recently I've been trying to get over whatever _lech_ I have for ... he who should not be named right now.

I have more important things to focus on now. Daphne says it's a time to celebrate. My 18th birthday is just one sleep away. But I find I _still_ can't focus on anything other than boring blue eyes that should not be as captivating, and dull sandy hair that I shouldn't be dreaming of running my fingers thought.

Like every self respecting mage knows, on their 18th birthday - one gets their soul mark.

my mother first told me the story when I was a young boy. One day hundreds of years ago, a powerful mage looking for the love of her life after tireless affairs, had cast a full-blown sonnet in the name of true love. It's said that her desire was so deep and so strong that her voice was heard all over the world of mages.

Naturally, she was a pitch.

Really, its astonishing and _powerful_ love magic. Magic that I normally would be swooning over. This kind of magic always interested me in a way the usual magic didn't. But even on the night before I learn the name of the man (person.... oh lord, please don't be a woman) I'm supposed to fall in love with and live happily ever after with, my brain thinks of Snow.

I can't help but sneer a bit at the thought.

If Snow where here to see me he'd say something stupid about my face. He always points it out when I sneer or leer at him. Says he hopes my face stays like that. 

He spelled it so one day. Just said the words and it was true. It would have been incredibly hot, if not for the fact that it was directed at me. It was meant to be a small joke, but his magic fucked it up, per usual.

I was stuck with a sneer on my face permanently, it took a _week_ for the nurse to find a cure.

Snow had a grand old time with that one, but it's not like anyone other than Niall noticed. Not even the teachers. I'm still not sure whether I should be offended or not.

of course I needed to retaliate.

Afterwards I spelled his socks so they felt wet whenever he left our room. It was hilarious to watch his face scrunch up in the cute way he does, step around a bit before storming back in to change them. I had him going for two or three rounds, but eventually he had me against the wall demanding I tell him how to fix it.

Now I've gone and ranted about Snow again, Merlin Morgan and Methuselah, get a grip.

Back on topic - other man, person, maybe woman but hopefully not- soulmate. There is someone out there for me who will love me: even though I'm a Pitch, even though I'm a dark creature, even though I'm hopelessly in love with someone else.

I will find happiness..... don't I deserve that? Just a little bit? I may be undead but my heart seems to have missed the message.

I wouldn't even play with the thought of Simon being my soulmate. Just the idea sends my heart soaring, but I know these wings will burn if I let this silly dream fly too high, so I crush it before leaves the ground. Snow is with Wellbelove..... oh, and he's hopelessly straight, can't _forget_ that.

Not that he's ever said it, but I doubt he has the brain capacity to understand the nuance of sex and gender.

Snow's probably never had to think critically of himself,never had to worry about who he is or what he wants in life, he doesn't need to. What man or woman could ever look at Snow, hot and as bright as the sun, and think that he needs self reflection. Nobody, because he's bloody perfect already.

_Merlin-stop, soulmate._

Simon decides it's time to make his appearance in our room, because he does everything on 'be as annoying to Baz as humanly possible' o'clock.

I don't spare him a glance, and he doesn't look my way either. If I'm luck he'll think I'm asleep and leave his insistent nagging about plots to another day.

_**Simon's POV** _

By the time I make it back up to the dorms, Baz is asleep, which is suspicious considering he never falls asleep this early.

I know his schedule like the back of my hand. Its Thursday, his 'unconfirmed' Day of vampire-ish rat draining and moping in the catacombs. He's _always_ stays out till at least 2 am the morning.

He _must_ be up to something.

Is he resting so early because he will be fighting The Mage tomorrow? Is he going to challenge me? Or is he sleeping early because he _knows_ I _know_ his schedule, and he just wants me to be anxious that he's up to something, so that while I'm worried about his plotting..... he can _plot something else_...

_Nothing_ gets by me Baz, good try though. Gonna need to be a lot quicker than that.

With this reassurance, I go over to my desk and put my stuff down, just my bag and my laptop. All the while keeping my eye on him. _Just in case._

You know if he wasn't such an evil tosser, I might think that he looks kinda ok while he's sleeping. All of the normal stress and underlying _something_ that I see on his face normally is gone. It's strange, I never get the chance to just look at him like this. I'm usually the one who falls asleep first.

He spends so much time outside at night, where I can't see him. We aren't supposed to be outside at night, so he nearly gives me a heart attack whenever he's out too late. I mean.. what if he's out there plotting my death? Can he get away with spelling me dead if he's not in the room?

I just don't like to think of him out in the Wavering woods all alone, even if he _is_ the most dangerous thing out there.

I take the chance to sneak looks at him whenever I can while I get ready for bed. When I slide off my shoes, I also slide my eyes over too him. When I walk to my closet to get my pajamas, I look at what I can see of him though the mirror on the door.

Eventually I'm forced to get changed in the bathroom. We never change in front of each other. Asleep or not. For some reason the though of seeing Baz without his shirt makes me feel weird, he has a footballers body. Makes me jealous I guess. I slip into the bathroom to get changed and I look back at him one more time while I still have the chance. From this angle I can see his face.

I _guess_ I can _kinda_ see why Agatha would be into him.

_**Baz's POV** _

Waking up in the morning was a pleasant surprise. Looking over I can see that Snow is no longer in the room. He probably left early so he can be the first person to stuff his face in the dining hall.

I'm surprised he isn't pestering me about today. I though out of anyone, he'd be the most excited for today. He used to talk about it all the time

~~~

" I can't wait for seventh year!" Simon shouts at me through the stair well leading to mummers 4th floor.

"At the very least, when your wrist remains empty on your birthday, we'll all know what you _really are_!" his shrill voice, still a prepubescent fifth year, shakes me while it enters my ears. I'm still getting used to vampire hearing.

I finally burst, I turn around quickly and stare down at him, already taller but happy to have the extra couple steps. " What Snow, SAY IT!"

His face is red, he has never been this angry. Maybe I shouldn't have flirted with Wellbelove at lunch today, but just seeing the two of them makes me sick to my stomach.

His nose scrunches up, and he looks like there's a bad taste in his mouth, just trying to say the words makes him sick.

" A demon! A blood sucking thing that needs to feed off the living just to survive!"

I know its true, but it still hurts to hear it, hurts to hear _him_ say it.

He gets up closer to me, like he's not afraid, like I'm not thirsting after what's coursing through his veins.

He grabs my shirt and fist it up in his hand, trying to be intimidating. I could snap him like a twig and he needs to know that. I grab the hand that holding me, and I put some force into it. It's much more than his human body can handle, and he lets out a shout of agony.

He drops on the stairs when I let go. I really wasn't holding that hard, but human bodies are just so frail, I'm not used to it anymore.

The thought alone make me break, there are tears welling in my eyes- I know it. I need to leave now before Snow can see them.

When I turn around he lets me know exactly what he thinks of me,

" you're disgusting, and a _monster-_ stay away from my friends!"

I rush up to the room without stopping, he tries to follow me in again -little masochist- but as soon as I'm behind the door, I have it shut and I hold it closed. I can't let him in, the tears are already sliding down my face and I can't control them any more.

He's banging on the door so loud, but I won't listen.

How could he say that, isn't he supposed to be the good one? the hero?

But I guess its wrong for the monster to hope the knight in shinning armor would save him too.

~~~~

It isn't a pleasant memory, but I have to live with it. Besides, we aren't like that anymore. we were both just sad and angry kids, starved of love and taking it out on each other. I knows this...

But it's still painful to think about.

For some god forsaken reason I fell in love with the boy. Maybe it was because of the way Simon treated everyone _other_ than me, kind and selfless- with a dashing smile. Even as kids, when Simon's clothes never fit him right and his teeth were crooked, he had way about him that seemed irresistible to me.

Merlin, I'm just a pathetic sap aren't I?

It's my 18th birthday for Morgan-sakes, I need to focus on one thing at a time.

There's no rush, so I might as well take my time getting ready. No need to let everyone know from just looking at me that I'm a mess.

Walking into the bathroom, I begin to get undressed and think about my day. After my shower I'll finish up and head down to the dinning hall, I'm sure Dev and Niall will have something waiting for my-

Like I've been zapped by lightning I stop, finally remembering why this day was so important in the first place. Slowly I look down at my arm, left of course.

I would never say that my life was easy. There are many things about my life and _myself_ that I wish I could change; I'm a vampire, i'm the sole pitch heir, and I'm hopelessly in love with an idiot. However, growing up I believed that I got the shitty end of the stick for a reason. Because whatever God existed up above was saving something truly special for me. Now I know. This is it, it must be.

There are tears in my eyes, falling like a spring shower or a baptism, as I read them- the words on my wrist- so beautiful I can't believe it-

_Simon Snow_.


	2. In Case You Don't Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just Baz loving Simon, and Simon is still oblivious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @orangeyougladididntsaybanana for being Beta.  
> Its so helpful to get a second pair of eyes when your writing.
> 
> I also went back and edited the first chapter a tiny bit.

**Baz’s POV**

You'll never hear me say this again, but at the moment I wish I was a Fairy, just so that I could fly the way my heart is right now. It’s a bit dramatic, but I feel like my heart is going to beat out of my chest. Yes, just the thought of Simon Snow has revived my cold dead heart.

There was a part of me- one that I ignored for my sanity- that believed Simon when used to say those cruel things about me and soulmates.

Could a monster like me have a soulmate?

It’s not like the world of mages is interested in keeping a vampire around long enough to find out. Kill first and ask about the dramatic state of love affairs later, and all that. However, this... is proof of it. My humanity, or the life essences more commonly known as a soul.

This is proof that I’m not just a dead thing walking.

I'm so God damned astonished that I can do nothing but stare for a while, just looking at the words on my wrist and cursing like a Normal.

.

_Simon Snow_

I use my right hand to cover it briefly, grasping tight to my wrist and the words. I close my eyes and tilt my head back with a silent prayer. I pray that when I look back again the words will still be there, that they are more than just a pathetic delusion.

When I look back down, the wave of euphoria that originally flooded me returns, pumping through every limb, every vein, every place where the feeling of being alive is supposed to be. It’s all thanks to you….

Is this what It’s like for everyone else? Is this how it feels for Snow? For the first time in forever I feel warm, and .. _Alive_

Even if it’s just an illusion, I cling to it for a couple more minutes. Refusing to let go of this new found feeling.

It’s pathetic-

But I stop and remind myself that no, it’s not pathetic.

It's not- _Simon_ -

Simon is my Soulmate.

I know this to be absolutely true. Never has the powerful and old magic of the soul bond ever been wrong.

Now, people used to believe it was flawed, always confused when the bond disrupted the strict conservative beliefs of its time of origin. Some people got two marks (like my father) and others got zero, sometimes women had soulmates who were women, and sometimes men had soulmates who were men. Hell, there was even a group of eighth years while I was in my Fifth year who all were soul mates with each other, all four of them. There’s nothing wrong with that, we know this now.

The point is, I remind myself, the bond is never wrong. It may seem complex and confusing, but at the end of the day it’s as simple as reading the name ( or names) on your wrist.

Which brings me back to this.

_Simon Snow._

'Oh Simon.’ I sigh, with my left hand clutched close to my un-beating heart, _finally_ relieved. Finally I have reassurance that the years I’ve spent thinking of him weren't for naught.

I must have the dopiest look on my face, but I couldn't care less right now.

'Simon Snow, Simon Snow, Simon-’ I just keep saying his name as I continue my morning routine, the name never gets old in my mouth. For so long I never let myself say it in full. It was too powerful. Almost like a silly primary school chant for demons or ghosts. If I said it too many times he might appear when I'm vulnerable enough to act on my desire.

But now, I _want_ him to hear. I want him to know that I crave him in more ways than one. Now that I know we’re more than just enemies; a monster and the sword destined to pierce its heart.

Finally, life has thrown me a fucking bone.

**Simons’S POV**

I woke up before Baz today, which is a surprise considering how early he fell asleep last night, and the fact that it’s a school day. He _always_ wakes up before me and spends the better half of breakfast in the library, only to come in ten minutes before class to, I don't know, _leer_ at me for a bit.

I asked him once why he's up so early, and he said: ‘So I don't have to see your ugly face for a second longer than I have to’'

What a _prat_. That’s such a prat thing to say.

I try my best not to let it get to me, no one other than him has ever called me ugly. In fact, people usually say I look pretty good, if slightly average.

Though he would know what pretty looks like, yeah? Sees it in the mirror every day.

( _What?_ My masculinity isn’t so fragile that I can't admit it. He's a fit bloke.)

Anyway, it's not like he eats anything during scheduled meal times, too risky. 

No, I think he comes down simply to torture me. Always staring at me, waiting for me to slip and meet his eye. It's incredibly distracting. What is he plotting?

Must be something. What other reason does he have to be looking over here constantly? Maybe it’s about Agatha, he seems to stare longer when she’s with me. 

Could he be after her, like a Dracula type thing? Or is it just part of one of his schemes.

Penny says I’m obsessed with the idea of Baz plotting, but it’s not like he hasn't given me a reason to be! He sent a fucking Chimera after me 5th year; he tried to take away my _voice_ , tried to push me down the _stairs_!

Of course these happened years ago, but that’s only because he's plotting something much bigger. This time whatever plot he’s working on will kill me.

Next year is our last year at Watford, it's when we'll have our final showdown. I _need_ to be prepared, Merlin knows I couldn’t beat him in a one-on-one fight completely unprepared. And besides, Penny is always telling me to practice, prepare and study. She means my school work and spell work, but I’d _much_ rather spend my time practicing for something I’m actually interested in (which is saving my hide!)

Penny's voice wakes me out of my mini Baz rant, commenting on some of the girls across the hall. There’s some kind of commotion.

She points over to the table across from us, there’s a group of fourth years huddled up whispering to each other, not very well though because I’m sure everyone can hear them.

‘ _Oh_ , today is Basil's birthday!’ 

‘Oh shit, already?’

‘I can't believe it, he must be the oldest 7th year this term!’ 

‘It’s his 18th, so you _know_ he got it this morning!’

Ugh, just those Baz fangirls... and boys.

The younger years idolize him. The new kids used to be the same way with me, but it just so happened that I fought a flock of Boobrie on the day of the fourth year's inauguration. The Humdrum sent them early, and they swarmed The Great Lawn. When I went off, all the Boobrie blood fell from the sky and ended up drenching the poor kids. 

So, let’s just say that there’s no _‘_ Hero Worship’ for me with the fourth years .

But why Baz? I have no clue. I guess they _did_ grow up in Twilight's prime so the whole 'vampire' thing was popular that year. Or maybe it’s just because he's the only student that hates me as much as they do.

.

.

Wait! Did they say it was his _birthday_!!?

_No_

No fucking way, I would have known if it was his _birthday_.

‘Penny!’

I end up shouting it, making her jerk at the noise and she looks up at me from her _Marvel of Modern Linguistics_ textbook, ‘What’s today?’

_‘Well_ , I _would_ say the 27th, but I’m assuming you’re asking about Baz’s birthday?’

_‘Obviously!_ Wait, did you know about this too?!’

Penny shrugs, ‘Yeah, but relax Simon, it's no big deal- for _us_ at least’

‘Wh- of course this is big !" I nearly shout again.

‘If he-’ I stop to look around me and make sure no one is listening, especially the .... fan- people?

(fan-Individuals? _Gah_ , I never really got the nuance of this stuff, no matter how many times Penny talks about it.)

‘-if he's a _vampire_ , he won’t actually have one, right?’

However, the thought of Baz without a soul mark leaves a weird feeling in my stomach, or maybe it’s the lack of food in my stomach at the moment, I don't know.

‘Unfortunately,’ Penny begins, but I get the feeling that she _is_ very fortunate for it, ‘every creature with magic gets a soul mark. Maybe Normal vampires wouldn't get them- because they're essentially Normals with a weird diet –“

The thought makes me shiver. ‘Really, Penny? _Essentially_ Normals?’

‘-but Baz is first and foremost a mage, meaning unless he's ace, he'll have a soul mark. And _yes_ , super strength or not, essentially Normals’

‘Don’t let the Coven hear you say that.’ I joke, but it kind of isn’t a joke. I mean, it sounds like a pretty dangerous train of thought to me. Acting like vampires _aren’t_ some of the most dangerous creatures in the world.

Penny shrugs, ‘Mum says that most anti-vampire beliefs come from pro-Old Families propaganda.’

After that, I’m not exactly sure what to say. I don’t really get it when Penny starts talking politics. No matter how many Normals’ poli-sci classes I take or how often I pre-read her magical politics essays , I just can’t seem to understand why this stuff needs to be so difficult? Just be nice to each other, yeah?

So I end up zoning out when she starts talking like that.

I really can't believe that it's Baz's birthday today. What a pretentious _git_.

Of _course_ he turns 18 before me. Just had to be better than me _again_. Well guess what Baz, I don’t care. You’re not gonna be able to hold this over me, not if I don’t let you.

I hear the fanboy from earlier let out a loud sigh, ‘he's just _soooo_ pretty Margret, I can't take it,’

and he pretends to fall dramatically into his friend’s arms. It's clearly a joke, but he shouldn't be joking about this. I mean, Baz could _kill_ them. Where’s their sense of self preservation?

If only the Mage believed me when I told him Baz was a vampire. Look at all these willing humans, just waiting for Baz to come and eat them. It infuriates me to see these kids effortlessly fawning over Baz. They don't even _know_ him! They just think he looks good. There’s more to him than that.

‘Penny, I-’

But I’m interrupted when the Dining Hall doors open.

It wasn't a dramatic entrance per-se, but the room turns silent like it was spelled quiet. Baz enters with all his usual swagger. At least he has the decency to flush a little under all the stares he's getting.

He's blushing! He must have fed this morning!

As I begin to explain to Penny that we need to go into the catacombs and find the shriveled rats he must have left behind (‘He hasn’t left evidence down there in _years_ , Simon!’), there’s a commotion at Baz's table.

**Bas's POV**

_Jesus Christ_ , not to swear like a Normal again, (it’s must be the ‘Fiona’ influence) but I can't believe what happened when I entered the Dining Hall. I wasn't even trying to get noticed, but every head in the room turned the moment I walked in. I know _why_ , but I didn't suspect that it would be a big deal. There are plenty of older students getting their soul marks right now.

Focus on _them_ instead. 

When I greet Dev and Niall at our usual table, there are..... a couple of new additions.

‘Lads… Who Are your friends?’

Of course, I know who they are. Ravenous fourth years. They are more than a little obsessed with me. Worse than Snow was in our Fifth year.

‘Just some of your secret admirers.’ Dev says with a smirk, thinking he’s slick.

Secret my arse, these kids haven't left me alone since their first year. I guess it’s a puberty thing. I wouldn't know..... I’m sure their pubescence experience is quite different from mine.

I sigh as I sit down, trying to ignore the kids, saying a small thank you to Niall for the tea he saved me, and begin to drink it.

I can hear them talking, and there’s one girl trying _desperately_ to get my attention, waving her hands and speaking loudly, ‘So, Basilton, I-'

She goes on for longer, but I’m not actually listening. Rude? maybe.

My eyes sweep straight by her as I notice that Snow is sitting behind her a couple of tables over. He’s talking to his little group and together they’re a trio. Simon, Penny and Agatha.

Oh, please don’t tell me, the two of them have patched things up and have gotten back together. It would make the whole ‘courting Simon because he’s my soulmate’ a _bit_ difficult.

They have this flimsy off and on again relationship that, up until now, I took pleasure in disrupting for my own amusement. Now, I look back on my actions and see that they were not….. Particularly tasteful.

Especially if I want him to like me eventually. Hmm.

Maybe I _should_ do something to change the antagonistic nature of our relationship.

The 4th year in front of me is still talking. I feel bad for not listening, but I've made it clear that I'm not interested in anyone other than my soulmate. 

I finally look at her and see that her rambling stops once I meet her eye.

She can see that I’m just not into it, and deflates, her head falls to the table.

I try to give her some reassurance, ‘Maybe if I was a couple years younger?’ But it's obvious to both of us that it's superficial.

The bell for classes rings, and the students in the dining hall begin to leave. I see Simon spare a glance this way, but he turns to leave before I can get away from the girl.

I get the feeling that this fourth year is waiting to get me alone for some grand confession. I open my mouth to begin a polite rejection, but she starts before I get the chance.  
  


‘If you’d just showed us your soulmark already, we’d leave you alone.’

I'm not sure if I like her attitude.

‘I don't remember _you_ , or anyone else, being entitled to such a thing.'

‘Yeah, whatever..’ She puts her head down again, folding her arms on the table so her head is lying on them. Her mood is completely different from breakfast. It becomes clear that her pleasant mood was just an act, but why?

‘Why are you kids so obsessed with me anyways?’ I ask, determined to get an answer.

She just lifts her head, shaking it slowly, like she's fed up with something. Then she - well she gives me a Snow worthy glare. It surprises the hell out of me. I know that I fail to keep my face neutral.

‘I’m not obsessed with you, in fact, I …. I kinda fucking hate you.’

‘Language!’

‘No,’ she stands finally, looking me dead in the eye. Her stance is strong and she points a dramatic finger at me.

‘I hate you because Yui, _my_ Yui, is in love with you. She tries to talk to you _every_ morning and you ignore her!’

My jaw drops just a bit wider.

‘I hoped that if I got you to talk to me today, she’d finally look at me again, but it was just a huge waste of time!’

She starts ranting about this girl, talking about her hair and her eyes, and I swear I've never seen her in my life. But at the same time, it's not like I spend much time looking at anyone _other_ than Simon.

Eventually, she starts to quiet down, ‘and if you just… if you _just_..’ 

Now that I look closer, there are tears in her eyes. 

‘If you just hurry up and get with your soulmate, then I won't have to watch her chasing after some guy!’

‘Then she…’ This tiny fourth year is sniffing and her cheeks are red, but there’s really nothing I can do to stop the crying, and nothing I can offer to console her. ( who the hell starts crying in front of a stranger anyways?)

‘…then she might want to be with me.’

Then a light bulb blinks over my head. _Uh, gay….Duh._

* * *

Now I actually feel a bit sorry for her. I know a thing or two about pining.

I have an idea, but it _is_ a bit crazy, and extremely personal.

‘Look…’ I struggle for her name, but remember that I never bothered to pay attention when she introduced herself ‘...kid.’

I’ve already stood up and begun walking away before she started her rant, so I walk back over to her so I know that only _she_ will see what I'm going to show her.

She’ll understand that I'm not going to be getting in her way once she knows that there are many, _many_ reasons I won't be pursuing her female friend.

She’s wary, but she walks over to see the skin that I revealed on my left wrist.

_Simon Snow_

She gasps.

‘Look, I’m … I’m like you. I'm not interested in being with your friend’

‘Your- your soulmate is-’

‘Stop right there, kid. This stays between you and me…’

And then reluctantly, I say,

‘and…you can tell your little friend that I’m gay so she’ll leave me alone”

I think I broke her, she just keeps gasping like a fish. 

Oh well.

As I take my leave, I shout out, ‘I’m rooting for you two… Yui and ‘Girl who’s name I don’t know!’’ ending out encounter with all the dramatic bravado expected of me.

Once I'm out of the hall, I remember that the class I'm late for is Magical Words, and Simon’s in it.

Time to start plotting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no clue why I always end up posting my work at like 1AM.
> 
> let me know what you think! I'm worried that my Baz is a little ooc, his whole character is basically angst, so trying to write him happy feels weird still.


	3. The wind, the rain and the sunset, the light on your door, to show that you're home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon is beginning to suspect some things, the wrong things, but things none the less.  
> He'll get there eventually.

**Baz’s pov**

Magic Words was quite a nightmare. The class started off fairly normal _after_ my late entrance. Miss Possibelf usually spells the door shut so I had to spell it open with the counter spell she had been teaching us this week. It was fairly dramatic.

Since I came in late I couldn’t sit in my usual seat, and I took this class specifically because Simon was in it, so Dev and Niall aren't here to save a spot for me. I end up needing to sit much farther back than I'm used to, which also meant that I was approximately three seats away from Simon.

I had decided after the first week of classes that I had to sit in front of him, otherwise I'd spend too much class time staring at him. Of course, I was correct. On that day, for the whole class my eyes never left the curve of his cheek and the spots that were visible on it. I quickly got lost looking at him. Tracing with my eyes the moles on his face, then the one on his neck and ...imagining the ones I couldn't see.

I was so lost in thoughts that I missed it when Miss Possibelf asked the class a question. When no one answered, she called out a name, ‘How about you, Basil?’

The class was dead silent, and I had just woken from my daydream of caressing Simon's head to my chest in an elegant embrace, so I had absolutely no clue what she said, or even what today's lesson was. Looking at the board was no help since it was empty, and my notes provided even less clues; I had been unconsciously drawing little hearts with mine and Simon's names in the middle.

“Uhhhhh..” I dumbly trailed off.

Merlin, I felt like Simon in that moment. Unable to string together a coherent sentence.

I could hear the students start to chuckle quietly to themselves. As Miss Possibelf stood in front of the class waiting patiently, I felt like I could even start up one of his famous blusters.

‘Wh... I'm sorry, could you repeat that?’I could not have been more embarrassed. I fought off the urge to bury my head in the metaphorical sand, and began actually paying attention to the lesson after that.

We were discussing the power of music and its effect on a mage’s ability to focus magic. A very interesting topic, but I had learned all about it years ago- it's quite elementary. However, the brief refresher _did_ give me a couple of ideas.

Which leads me to where I am now. My quest to court Snow has run into more than a couple of snags.

The incident in the classroom was last week. Since then I have purposefully _not_ been antagonizing Simon. 

Yes, after every botched spell, every stoney glare sent my way, every moment the scent of smoke and cinnamon reached my nose; I simply left Simon alone.

At first I thought it was working. Simon now spends much more time focusing on me and glancing my direction, but something about the **_I know what you're up to_ ** note he left on my desk this morning tells me it's not working the way I want it to.

No Simon, I don't think you _do._

If you did we’d be snogging already.

So what do I have to do to get things on the right track?

**Simon’s Pov**

Baz has been acting strange lately….. _Really_ strange.

I’ve spent hours ranting to Penny already so I’ll break down the list I’ve thrown together:

  1. Baz was nice to me in class all week (strange but not unheard of, I suppose)
  2. Baz helped me with my Greek homework last night (weirdly out of character)
  3. Baz left me a mint aero bar on my bed this morning ( I ate it. _After_ I made Penny cast **Safe and sound** on it. It wasn’t spelled to kill me, but I took notice that it was unusually good)



And now- well it's not unusual, cause lots of people do it- but it is right freaky to hear _Baz_ do it; 

He’s singing in the shower.

Just hearing this, well it boggles me.

I don’t know why or what the hell is going on, but at this moment I can't help but find myself thinking ‘Wow Baz has a shit singing voice’.

Which I didn’t think would be surprising, _but it is_. I guess I just thought that since Baz is the most talented person i know, it would _naturally_ extend into singing, but I was dead wrong.

I really should be more worried about this? What if he is some freaky Vampire Siren or something?

But that thought ends soon because he really is just absolutely _shit_ with vocals.

So, yeah….. Not really a good thing for a Siren I guess.

It's night, which makes the shower part completely normal. This is around his usual time to shower. I usually just sit out here and wait for him to finish so I can hop in and brush my teeth. He’ll get changed in there, I'll bring my clothes in with me once he’s done so we never have to see each others... _anything_.

Despite the fact that we’ve never been civil…. this process is usually routine and normal. 

This however, is _not_ normal, I mean _hell,_ he’s listening to The Kinks! 

He’s blurting out loud and unapologetically- the lyrics to _You Really Got Me._

It's actually kind of refreshing to see this side of him, or I guess it would be to hear this side of him.

Baz doesn't look like the type of person to listen to The Kinks; he doesn't look like he does _anything._ Better yet, he looks like he Just sits inside a dark room eating Tuc biscuits and listening to classical music. You know, boring stuff.

But this stuff? He’s listening to some great rock!

This is the kind of stuff the older boys would listen to back at the homes when I was younger. I had an obsession with these boys, they were so cool! There was this really handsome guy with dark hair who walked around in a leather jacket with crazy patches. He was always really nice to me so I listened to every song he’d play. It was this kind of stuff.

Is Baz secretly like _that? Like a punk?_

The song switches to _I Wanna Be Your Dog ,_ and I'm _flabbergasted_. It's blasting through the speakers so loud the room is practically shaking. He’s still singing terribly, but it kinda works for this song. His voice is straining the same way the vocals are.

_‘NOW I WANNA- BE YOUR DOG!’_

I genuinely cannot believe what I'm hearing. I can’t focus on the school work I was trying to get done (not that I ever can). 

It's just that every time the song ends I can't wait for the next to start. My mind is bombarded with questions. Do I know the song? What does this mean? Why is he only singing some of the lyrics? I _want_ to hear more, I want to know what Baz likes, because he’s obviously really into this.

I get excited because the next song is one I don't know.

Penny would say this is the perfect time to develop a deeper understanding of his ‘inner psyche’ (I don’t really _get it_ when she explains stuff like this).I just want to figure out what the hell is up with him. And _The Stooges_ have brought me closer to knowing just _that_ quicker than I ever could on my own.

The song starts off slow, there is a beautiful guitar playing and the sound of a tambourine going along with the beat. It’s very mellow and soothing. It sounds familiar, but in the way every old song does.

The beat goes on for a bit longer, until a female voice starts to sing-

_I’ll be your Mir-_

And suddenly the song cuts off. The sound of the running water stops and I hear the shower curtain being pulled open.Baz is finished in the shower so the barrage of music stops.

I guess that's it.

Now that the music's over I can finally attempt to focus on my work again, but that doesn't mean I'm not still disappointed.

While I turn the page in my Latin textbook, intending to begin translating some conjugations, the bathroom door opens. I can practically feel the steam leaving the small room.

Now that Baz is done I guess it’s time I cleaned up and got ready for bed- it's not like I was gonna be able to finish this homework on my own anyways.

Latin is hard enough for even _Penny_ to get sometimes, I never stood a chance.

Or maybe Baz can help me?

I stand up and pick up the clothes I set aside earlier. When I turn to head in, I realize that Baz is still in front of the bathroom, and…

‘Jesus Baz, Where are your _clothes!_ ”

He came out in just a towel! What a fuckin’ loon!

‘Oh, I must have forgotten to bring them in today.’ and he lets out a fake and dramatic sigh while checking the nails on his right hand. But his act isn't convincing at all.

‘You never forget to grab your clothes…’ I meant to yell it, but I find myself distracted looking at him. His chest is really pale, but it's the same shade as the rest of him, which means he never tans (even on his face!)

I feel like a bit of a creep, but I’ve never gotten to see this much of him.

‘Well _sorry,_ my mind’s been a bit busy, Snow, it's not like I haven't been preoccupied, I _did_ just get my _soulmark_ this term”, I'm lost on why that’s relevant, but Baz says it in a sneaky way that makes it sound serious, but has trouble hidden underneath. Is he trying to imply something?

He walks over to his wardrobe and starts looking for clothes… I want to look away but the longer I look the more I notice. 

Is that a scar on his back? And does… Are those _moles_?

This must be breaking some kind of code, but he broke it first so I guess I don't feel too bad

‘Take a picture, it’ll last longer.’ Baz says it with that smirk that just makes me wanna punch him in the face or something. It's such a childish thing to say. I decide to end this by giving him a glare and exit to the bathroom. It smells like him in here.

I usually don’t take showers at night, but I decided too this time. When I get in I use his shampoo. Sometimes I do that. I know that if he found out it would piss him off, but I actually quite like the smell of Cedar and Bergamot. I just wish I didn’t have to think of him every time I smelt it. 

**Baz’s POV**

_I can’t believe i just did that._ But did you see the look on his face? Merlin, I can’t believe I didn't figure it all out before.

I’ll never be able to see his glare the same again.

**Simon’s POV**

If I thought Baz was being nice _before_ , things totally shifted after the- what I call when I talk conspiracies with Penny- _bathroom incident_.

Quite literally that _night_ he walked over to my desk, saw my homework, and offered me help with it. He dragged me over and began explaining the different parts of the sentence to me, and I was right, he really _is_ good with Latin.

It’s just so freaky to see him help me, and he even _smiled_ at me when I translated a sentence on my own.

After that, there were a couple more incidents.

He smiled at me again while I was spying on him during football practice this week, (and he usually _complains_ when I stalk him), he offered to tutor me in all our languages for the year (which are the classes he’s usually the meanest to me in), and strangest of all:

~~

‘ _Simon_.’ Baz calls out to me while we’re sleeping. Or I guess it's better to say, while we're both _pretending_ to be asleep. The usual.

In the dead of night, I find myself more open to his confusing actions, so I reply ‘ _Yes, Baz?’_ my voice soft as a feather.

He is silent for a while, but then I hear the creaking of his bed, so I know that he’s turned to look at me. The window is closed, but the light of the moon is still visible through it. It shines down on Baz, and I can't help but think he looks like a dream.

…which is _really_ weird.

_‘What would you say… If I suggested a truce?_ ’ his voice is low, but it's sure.

_‘A truce?_ ’ I'm confused now.

‘ _You know, a truce. We stop fighting each other. I don’t hurt you, you don't hurt me.’_

_‘You couldn’t hurt me if you tried, Baz_.’ I mean it as an insult but his reply makes it seem like he misses the point.

‘ _You’re right about that, Simon._ ’

I can’t believe he agreed with me. I can see his face. The moon light makes his skin glow, and his face is relaxed. He looks at me as if he knows I'm going to accept the truce. Like I've already said yes and it makes him… _smile_.

But am I going to accept it? I mean, this is _Baz_ we’re talking about. How do I know that this isn’t some plot to get me to put my guard down. What's the real point of this?

I couldn’t possibly agree to this.

‘Okay.’ The word is out of my mouth before I even realize I’ve said it. What the hell?  
  


But the look on Baz's face once I agreed, He just looks me in the eye and smiles again. A real _genuine_ smile , and it's ten times bigger than the one before. It reaches his eyes, so even when I find myself lost in them, I know he's still smiling.

_Merlin, he’s pretty when he’s not sneering._

After that I pretend to fall asleep. But I can feel him staring at me all night.

~~~

I finished ranting to Penny, and I've spared no details. Except the part where I called Baz pretty. I'm not sure why, but it just feels too inappropriate to share.

Once my rant is finished Penny looks at me with this face that screams ‘ _really Simon?!’_.

But apparently, _yes really_. I’m so fucking confused , don’t even know what to do with myself. 

After that night I couldn’t sleep without spending a couple of hours waiting to see if Baz would turn my way again. It's driving me mental. I’m slipping in my classes but Baz _still_ refuses to comment on it. In fact, earlier in class I deliberately made eye contact with him after my **_See in a new light_ ** spell made everyone’s vision green. 

“ He hasn’t said single mean thing in ages! Not even a well timed leer!”

‘Simon, you think Baz is being nice to you because..?’

I can’t help but tug at my hair a bit as I try to explain it again, but I really don’t know anymore.

‘I thought it was all a plot, and I’m still not so sure it's _not_ …”

I trail off slightly, I'm trying to figure out how to say it- how to explain what I'm thinking. To make things worse, while I'm talking my eyes meet Baz’s across that hall and he smiles at me, _again._

_Merlin I swear this is worse than when he torments me, I can’t even remember what I was saying before._

_Maybe I've been thralled?_

_‘Simon_.’ Penny says my name to get my attention again. I look at her, and all I see is pity.

‘Come on Simon, suddenly Baz is being nice to you? Out of nowhere? After his birthday? Isn't all this just a bit too coincidental?’

Her face is practically pleading.

‘Oh.’ Well when you put it like that… maybe she’s right and this has got to do with Baz’s soulmark?

‘Penny...what if Baz _did_ get a soul mark?’ As I say it, everything starts to come together.

‘Yes! Simon, I knew you’d get it!’ She seems so happy. I’m not sure why though. This is terrible news.

‘Penny! Why are you so happy?” I’m almost angry at her for this. This is saying a lot because we’re best friends and we have _many_ promises, one is to never get angry at each other.

‘Wha-’

‘I know that you were never happy that I was dating Agatha, but I think that's better than dating a _monster_?’

‘Simon!” She looks astonished, but I don't see why.

‘Do you really think Agatha would be better off with _Baz_?’

**Penny’s Pov**

I can’t even fathom the amount of stupidity and deep closeting it requires to make this big of a leap.

Honestly I know he can be a bit thick, but this is on another _level._

I don’t even think I can come up with a comeback so I just let him continue on. He’s using grand hand gestures and going on this long rant about how wrong for each other they are.

‘It makes sense, Penny! He’s being nice to me because he thinks I’ll try to get in between them. Well, he’s right.’

He finally settles in his seat again with his arms crossed and a determined look on his face.

_Merlin, help us all._

**Baz’s pov**

I can hear him from across the dining hall. Why did my soulmate have to be such a _tosser_?

I guess I’ll need to be even _more_ direct.


	4. When you think the night has seen your mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write some cute stuff soooo here.

**Beth’s pov**

Ever since my talk with Baz, I've realized there’s a lot more to him than meets the eye. He may look like an eerily handsome wannabe vampire, but he is actually really sweet. Not only did he help me find the courage to tell Yui how I feel, but I also noticed his kindness in the way he treats others, and now, especially Simon. It’s not the obvious kind, you need to _know_ what you're looking for.

He doesn't make a big deal of it, but you can see that he’s always smiling at Simon, or thanking his friends for getting him tea. He even waves at me when I see him in the dining hall. But it’s all very gentle. Instead of the disdainful look he usually wears, there is now a calm and almost serene contentment.

All I can say now is that I’m bloody happy to see it.

**Baz’s pov**

I wouldn’t say something cliche like ‘ _Love changed my life’_ or _‘my_ _heart has been reborn’_ because that is a little too dramatic, even for me, and not much about my life has actually changed. I’m still a vampire, I am still the last Pitch heir, I am still in love with a man. However, it is no longer _hopeless,_ and _that_ is the key word here.

I think that this development has reminded me of something that I have long forgotten. _Hope_ . It’s a small, four letter word, but it has had a big impact on my life. Before getting my soulmark, I had little hope, and the only things I _did_ hope for, were entirely morose. 

When I was young, I would hope that my mother would come back, when I was fifteen, I hoped I could find a cure for my vampirism, and up until about three months ago, I had hoped I would fall out of love with Simon Snow. I had always hoped to change a part of myself that I found disturbing, or to change a truth that I could not handle.

But now I have hope for something _good._

My relationship with Simon will not fix my problems. Any and all self doubt or troubles that I have will need to be addressed and dealt with, but it is reassuring to know that I have at least one thing going for me. And I am content with this _thing_ that I have growing between Simon and I.

It is a process surely, I can't expect him to suddenly turn around and love me, especially considering our complicated past. But I have made progress.

I would like to think that me and Snow are now acquaintances, or possibly even friends.

Over the course of a couple months I have slowly begun to show Simon that I am no longer going to antagonize him. (And the families can go fuck themselves if they think im going to screw this up for them.) 

I can tell that he has his doubts. I feel nerves practically radiating off of him when I see him. He still keeps his wits when it comes to me.

I've decided that in order to show him that I'm serious, and that our days of fighting are over, I’m going to show him something that no one except my family has ever seen.

That's why I’m here now, in Watford's music room.

I know that he’s heard me play my violin before, but it's always been in ‘secret’. He probably thinks I had no clue he was outside the door. Of course I knew, my hearing is exceptional, and halfway through practice the room would start to smell like gingerbread and a campfire.

Not to sound creepy, but I could always hear when he would like the music I was playing, his heart would speed up and his shoes would squeak when he got up to press his ear to the door. 

To be honest if I wasn’t so infatuated with the boy already, i’d find all the obvious hints that he drops _a little creep_ y, but since I am- it's terribly charming.

I don't know why he’s sneaking around now that we are at the least, acquainted, but when I hear him squeaking around outside the door I pause and place my Violin down next to me.

When I open the door Simon is sitting on the ground with his back to the door. His knees are up to his chest and his head must have been on the door before I opened it and got his attention. Now he is turned to look at me with a dumb look on his face.

“ uhhhhhhh...h-hey Baz.” His voice breaks a bit while he’s speaking and he has this adorable little smile that is quirked to the side on his face, obviously nervous that I found him snooping. _He is so cute, I can't with him right now._

“I’d say I'm surprised to see you here, but i'm not.”

“ How'd you know I was here?” 

“ I could have smelled you, how hard you were pressing yourself against the door. Beside, you always come to my practices,” 

Now he has a violent blush on his cheeks, “ Merlin Baz - you knew this whole time? And you haven't flipped on me yet?”

“ That's not my style anymore Snow. Besides, I think it might be time for you to stop snooping in hallways and come join me.”

“What!... No. I'll just-" he shakes his head slightly, " I'll just leave-”

“ Come one, Simon” I say before he can leave and I grab his arm, not having to try hard to drag him in. I know he wants to see it, so I might as well show him.

“ Hey…. You used my name.”

Now it's my turn to blush a bit, turning around so he can see I'm smiling.

When he enters I softly close the door, leaving it unlocked. There are many seats in the room but like a fool he just sits down right next to my violin on the floor.

I was right of course, he looks eager and curious. I think he might have suspected I was faking the whole thing and used this time to plot against him. He was close, I _did_ use this time to think about using things against him, however they were rarely plots.

That's all i’ll say about that.

When I settle into my seat, he is looking around the room, and then up at me expectantly. I Didn’t really plan on what I would do if I got this far, so i'm quite nervous.

“Well, I guess it's best just to get right into it Snow” I pick up my violin and position it under my chin and the bow in position.

“ Hey… you called me Simon before.” his pout is most likely fake. I can't help but think that this interaction between us is going exceptionally well, thought to be honest, it's only been 3 minutes so there is plenty of time left for error.

**Simon’s pov**

I’ve heard him play the violin for years, and I had always thought that the music he made was stunning. However it all pales in comparison to _seeing_ him play.

Truly he looks like a new man.

He began to play the song he was playing before he invited me in. I'm not sure what it's called, but it is _beautiful._ There are alot of posh things that I don't really like, for instance; horse riding, all the utensils they use when they eat, wearing clothes that are more expensive than a car. But this? I think I get it. Whenever I would listen to Baz play, I would be filled with so much _emotion_.

Really, truly feel things. Whenever the pitch went up I could feel it in my stomach- the excitement and the high at the Crescendo. I could feel my heart ache when the tone of the song became low and filled with sorrow.

But watching him play is astonishingly different. I never realized how much feeling Baz put into the music. It's practically a performance on its own- the way he moves his wrists and fingers, the faces he makes, all in time with each raising note. I haven't a clue what he’s playing but it is dramatic, just like him.

Listening is almost nostalgic..

_He’s absolutely stunning._

It’s becoming more and more obvious with every interaction we have. I can’t seem to get the thought out of my head. Every time we have a civil conversation I see a new side of him.

Baz is patient with me when I need help with my classes, he is honest- he’ll tell me when i’m fucking things up and not beat around the bush. He’s kind, he even got me food from the kitchen last week after I was out on my yearly mission for the Mage.

It’s completely normal to think these things about your friends. I tell Penny that she looks cute all the time, and I still think Agatha looks beautiful, even though we are broken up right now. Hell, I remember last week when I was studying with Rhys I thought “ wow, he’s a handsome bloke”.

It’s not weird to think your friends are attractive, I just have _eyes._

The song begins to slow a bit more, then there is a sudden climb in the notes, building up until it reaches another peak, and then the song is over. 

For a second it looks as if Baz is still stuck inside the song, holding on to the feeling of playing. It must be exhilarating to experience that level of connection to something you’ve created. 

This is what I mean when I say it makes me emotional. I hear him making something beautiful- _I see him making something beautiful-_ and I'm forced to remember myself. I feel like all I ever do is destroy.

Maybe that's why I like watching him so much. Whatever he does he seems like he _lives_ through it and he creates something beautiful. In both the violin and in football, the passion comes off him in waves, practically palpable. I may have given him a hard time about it in the past, but I can see now that Baz is very much _alive._

After the high leaves him, Baz turns slowly to meet my eyes. I know I must have a ridiculous look on my face.

“Baz… you’re…. That was beautiful”

He turns away and looks at the instrument in his hands, almost bashful. But this is Baz so of course not.

**Baz Pov**

Simon snow, you are the most beautiful creature i’ve ever seen.

I think the best part about being his soulmate is noticing new things about him. Before I'd admired his bravery and his strength, and I was attracted to his attitude. But there is _so_ much more to Simon Snow. Right now he’s looking at me like I've hung the stars.

There is a kindness in him that I've always been separated from, that I now get to bask in.

I know I'm far from confessing to him, but it feels like I've just shown him something important.

It’s actually difficult to be under his careful eyes, so I need to say something to break the tension- to take the focus of of me.

“ you know, my great grandfather could cast with his violin bow.” Simon seems to think this is particularly interesting.

“ Wow, that's so cool. I guess all Pitches are talented mages.” he doesn't even hesitate to compliment me anymore. I can feel my face get a bit hotter.

“I’d always tried to do it when I was a kid, but it never worked. However, Sometimes I could make a couple sparks” after hearing this Simon gets this look on his face, like a golden retriever who's just been asked to go on a walk.

“ you should try again Baz! Your music is practically Magic anyways.” he still looks astonished. I never took him for a classical lover, in fact I'd often overheard him complaining about this stuff when Wellbelove brought it up.

I sneak a look at him. His enthusiasm is genuine. It still surprises me sometimes to see that Simon and I can get along. It's so easy to give into this, being kind- it's how i’ve always wanted to be with him. How did I make myself hate this? How could I pretend for years that didn’t want this?

" i don't know Snow.." there is genuine concerne in my voice. Do I want to try just to fail again?

But he won't have it. " Please! Baz - do it! Doooo it!" he starts a little chant and his excitement forces me to give in.

“Well, if you insist.” I'm reluctant at first, I turn around in my chair so we are looking at each other. “What should I try?”

He looks like he's contemplating this, really thinking. Then he looks around the room. He spots something and points over to the table across the room. “ Why don't you bring those flowers back to life?”

I look over and see that there are some wilting roses in a vase across from me. “ i’m not so sure, magic on living things is difficult enough as it is-”

“ If anyone can do it, it's you Baz.” he stood up now so I have to look up into his eyes. Merlin, he just can’t keep saying stuff like this. It might actually have been a good thing that we didn’t get along before, I can barely remember to breathe.

‘ I-” There is so much that could go wrong. But with Simon here next to me I feel as if I have to try. 

I _must_ , I couldn't deny him anything.

I look over at the roses and really focus on them, focus and control are some of the most important parts of spell. Slowly I lift my Bow and point it at the flowers. I close my eyes and imagine lighting a match and blowing on the tinders.

**_April showers_ **

I can feel the magic build up in me, but once it reaches my fingers it gets tricky. I can feel it swelling up with nowhere to go. I try forcing it out. Some sparks flicker out of the tip of the bow, but that is pretty much it.

“ well, that's about what I expected.” he’s watching me, and the nerves are settling in. What if he thinks I'm a garbage mage now?

“You were so close Baz! Penny says you should never give up, and it's only when things are the most difficult that you learn”

However his excitement is only souring my mood a bit. I’ve tried many times to make this happen, and trying again was like opening an old wound.

“ It’s a waste of time. I know it wont work- not for me”

“ maybe if you just-”

“ Drop its Snow” he can tell that I mean it because I've gone back to his last name. 

I want to stop this now. All this ever does is remind me of how i’m the black sheep of my family. All pitches had extra magical items. Bows like my great grandfather, a book like my mother, even cook Pritchard can use a ladle if she needs too.

Simon interrupts my mini pity party by grabbing my hand and pointing the Bow again. “ Try again Baz” the look he gives me is serious, like before a fight or battle. My bow is already in place, and the warmth of Simon next to me gives me an extra bit of courage.

I picture the match and feel my magic build up once again.

**_April showers_ **

The sparks are back, but instead of stopping I push forward. I’m a little scared because me and almost everything in this room are flammable, but before I can jump down that rabbit hole I feel something else slowly mix with my magic.

Now the room smells like smoke and cinnamon.

The warmth of Simon's magic is one of the most wonderful things I've ever felt. Usually others magic feels tight or burns. Like a bad face mask, just over your entire body. This feels like i've just come home from the pitch and i’m finally allowed to rest, except my bed is made of a thousand pillows.

In true Simon Snow fashion, the combination of our magic is dramatic and hot. The sparks stop and all the magic I have built up in my arm leaves me finally. However, instead of bringing the flowers back to life, our spell has caused a sudden clap of thunder and then rain begins to pour on the both of us.

**Simon’s Pov**

The spell didn't work the way it was supposed to. However I don’t think that Baz really cares right now.

He is _laughing_ in the rain, not caring that all his posh clothes are going to get ruined. His white shirt is sticking to him and all he can do about it is open his arms out and accept the cool water falling from the ceiling.

“ Simon!” he's yelling because the rain is loud in our ears.

I step right over to him, the rain soaking me “ You did it!”, I know i'm Smiling like a loon right now.

He's close enough to grab me, his hands on my wrists. He looks ecstatic. I've seen him Happy, I’ve seen him with a content smile as we stare at each other across the room. But this is once again something entirely new. Like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. It’s a really good look for him.

He pulls me closer to him, his hair is wet and the rain is falling down his face. If I didn’t know any better I might think that some of the water is tears.. He’s so close now, he’s talking but i'm finding it harder to listen, the rain in my ears is loud and my heart has sped up to an almost uncomfortable level.

“ Is there anything I _can't_ do when you're with me Simon.” his voice is rough and soft , Only slightly louder than the beating rain around us. He’s looking straight into my eyes as he says this.

**Baz POV.**

I want to kiss him. 

It would be _so_ easy, he’s right here in front of me. I pulled him closer to me and he came like it was nothing, he practically moved himself for me.

The rain is making it impossible to hear myself think. I can’t believe that spell worked. In fact I don't even know what that was. Can soulmates share magic? Or is this just a S _imon, the greatest mage_ thing.

Merlin, I believe it now, the stories- the _prophecies_ \- Simon Snow is the best chosen one ever chosen. He’s the sun and flames, and I want to crash into him every day for the rest of my life.

Hurry the hell up Simon, I'm getting tired of waiting for you.

He’s so beautiful like this, under the rain. He looks like he’s stunned and he can’t seem to speak. I wonder what he’s thinking right now.

  
  


**Simons POV**

I don’t know what i'm thinking….

**Baz pov**

I have to stop myself from kissing him. I know he's not ready. He’s-

But I'm interrupted.

Because _he’s_ kissing _me._


	5. Let me stand to show that you are blind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The quest for the seventh oak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uhhhhhhh I got really into writing Simon's character.
> 
> I knew he needed help wayyyyy before WS.

**Simon’s POV**

The quest of the Seventh Oak gets more complicated the longer we’re looking for it.

Me and Penny have been in the Wavering Wood for hours following the hints the Mage has given us and the clues we’ve found under the first five trees, but it almost seems like we’re going in circles. You can never _really_ tell with this place.

“Penny, I saw that tree 10 minutes ago.” I look around and notice that where we are looks familiar, the tree across from us specifically. It's a weird color and it has a deep gash through it, like someone tried to cut it down with a chainsaw.

“No you didn’t, the compass says we’ve been walking forward all day.” She's giving me a bit of snipe. She’s tired, I'm tired, the tree with a gash in it is most _definitely_ tired.

“I'm positive that this is the same tree, _look_ , it even has our footprints next to it!” What the hell, how is that even possible?

“Maybe those are someone else's foot prints?” I want to believe it, but I know it’s not true.

“Yes! Someone else's foot prints, because this is a destination hot spot right now!”

A loud scuffing sound booms behind me and I clench the Sword of Mages in my hand. I walk cautiously over to Penny and make sure my guard is up. While looking around I notice that the trees are most _definitely_ moving.

“See!” I can't even hold it back, I go for a petty I told you so.

“Well maybe if _both of us_ were focused we’d be able to get through this.”

She’s right of course, I know exactly why this isn’t working. I'm just taking it out on her because admitting it would make it real.

Clue number five found in the fifth oak _clearly_ stated that to find the next seekers must keep a clear head. Usually this is easy for me, I’d just make up a list of what not to think of and push it aside. But considering the thing I can’t think of is the thing I can never _stop thinking of,_ yeah it's not that easy right now.

This thing that I can’t think of, well I’ve been thinking about it all day. And all night yesterday.

I spent the night in Penny's room last night. I couldn’t handle sleeping in my own bed. I'm mortified. I don’t know what came over me in the music room, but I made things super awkward.

_But I'm not thinking about it._

“AH COME ON!” A tree branch flies in front of the path Penny was trying to walk down. She just uses her ring to spell **_Steel yourself_ ** and starts hacking away at the roots. Both of us are testy today.

She let me sleep there no questions asked, but it was a big breach on our “ no secrets” pact. I tried to argue that It wasn’t a secret, I just wasn’t going to talk or address it ever - She said that's just as bad.

She’s not angry at me, but the night coupled with the shit day we’ve been having stuck in the Wavering Wood is not helping her case at all.

“Simon! There’s obviously something on your mind so spit it out! I swear if I have to look at another tree ever again after this I'll _Tyger tyger_ it and myself.”

The thing is, I don’t even know what to say. ‘Yeah Penny you know the guy who I think might be Agatha’s soulmate? I kissed him yesterday! Why? Because I _felt_ like it.’ Absolutely unbelievable.

“I’m sorry Pen, maybe we should call it a day and start again tomorrow?”

“No!“ She has a look of panic on her face, almost like the forest will understand us and shift again when we’re not looking “Then we’ll have to start all over!!”

“The path is already changing...”

“We’re close, Simon, we can do this. But we need to do what the clues say.”

I need to calm down and empty my head, I stay quiet as I try to decide how to go about this. Penny must have an idea because she just starts talking again.

“I had an omelette for breakfast this morning. The tea was too hot to drink. Last night I dreamt I broke up with Micha. You really worried me last night, Simon. I wish you would tell me what's bothering you.”

She ended up turned to face me. I don't think she was talking to me initially but now she definitely is.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m getting everything off my mind”

It makes sense, just say everything out loud. Throw it out of my brain. But I'm not sure if I'm ready to tell Penny about _that_.

“The scones I had for breakfast this morning were wonderful. I never really drink tea until later in the day. Baz only ever drinks tea for breakfast.”

The trees surrounding us shimmer and shake a bit, but the path is still covered.

“It’s because he’s a vampire.”

Nothing moves anymore, everything has settled and I decide that instead of dealing with this right now, I'd better just push through. I walk right up to the edge of the empty pocket we’ve been trapped in and start hacking at the trees like Penny did.

“Come on!” I yell eventually, throwing a fit.

I begin trying to push out some of my magic into my sword, hoping that it will do something. It builds up in my chest and arms, and I think it might be working. The magic is leaving me and going into the sword.

_It’s just like yesterday…._

I run at the trees again, putting pretty much everything I have into this one swing. However, it backfires. The moment my magic charged sword hits the tree-it's as if I hit a force field or something-all the strength and magic I used in the hit is forced out and returned against me. It sends me flying straight into the trees behind me. It's a colorful explosion that would look really neat if I didn’t feel like I just broke a couple of bones on the landing.

I end up on the other side of the tiny clearing.

“FUCK!” I yell as I hold my head in one hand, holding the sword in my other hand loosely.

Penny just shakes her head.

I fall to the ground in front of the tree I was flung into.

“ oh!” I quip throwing my hands up, “ so this is how it feels to be on the other side.” I look at Penny and she’s confused. 

“ Because the tree slashed _me_ this time” Penny lets out an exasperated groan. 

In the past I really loved the Wavering Woods. I even had it on my “Things I miss the most about Watford” list. However, right now I fucking hate it.

“You know what?” I shout to the sky- or Penny- or the Wood, it doesn't really matter, “I'm done! What do you want from me huh!? You want me to admit it! Fine!”

I genuinely think I might start crying, but I'm tired. This mission wasn’t supposed to be that difficult, it’s not like the time we had to travel all over the continent to find the Six Swords, or the time we had to cross the Serpents Gate- this is practically my backyard, and right now I want to fucking set it ablaze!

I can feel Penny’s eyes on me but I don’t really care right now, I just want to get the hell out of here.

“I kissed Baz! I did it!” Now there are tears falling down my face, I feel like a tiny first year right now.

“Is that what you wanted to hear! He has a soulmate and I kissed him!” If I had a bit more energy I'd be slashing at the tree’s again, but now my sword just falls to the ground and I put my head in my hands.

“Oh Simon” Penny stopped to come over to me,kneeling by my side and throwing an arm over my shoulder. 

Despite the shitty mood I'm in and the fact that I just told her about Baz, I can’t help but focus on how warm she is, so I lean into her. I feel like I need a hug right now, but I never know if I'm allowed to ask. She smells like sage and lavender.

It's a scent that I'm used to, but I find myself wishing it was a different one.

And that though only makes this worse. I let out a dry sob suddenly.

“Simon, why didn’t you tell me…” She sits down next to me and leans her head into mine, trying to face me with a smile, but I can tell it's for show. ” We could’ve had some cheesy slumber party last night, Talked about our feelings.” She's trying to cheer me up, her hand is holding my cheek. I’m not sure if it's working.

“Penny...I-" I don't really know what to say next. What can I say to her? _I don’t even know what to think myself._

“I understand if you want to keep this to yourself.”

But I know that if we want to find our way out of the Wavering Wood, I'm going to need to let this out.

Having Penny here - regardless of how terrible she actually is at dealing with feelings- is a comfort. I could be in the woods all alone right now. I could have locked myself in my bathroom all night or slept in the communal lounge in Mummers, but I didn't.

I went to Penny and I think it’s because I wanted to tell her.

But it’s still terrifying to think about opening up.

“Penny, I don’t even know.” I wipe a couple of the tears that have slipped out. I didn’t actually think I would be crying over this, but I guess there's no point in stopping now, “I really don't… that's why I didn’t want to bring it up.”

I look at her and I can see that she understands me, my voice is shaking. Hearing myself is almost dysphoric. It doesn't sound like me.

“ I mean…. Baz wanted to date Agatha - _I was dating Agatha._ “ I start pulling at the hair on the back of my neck in frustration. The tears are sliding right off my cheeks, I don’t think I've ever let myself cry like this. Not since first year- or in the homes.

“I- I didn’t want them to get together.”

She simply just stays by my side and lets me stammer and try to get out what I want to say.

“It’s really confusing Penny-” I need to find something to do with my hands because they are shaking. I clench and unclench them close to my chest. 

I can feel it in my heart, this ache. I haven’t a clue why it’s there, but it just makes me want to scream at someone. However Penny is the only one here and she hasn’t done anything wrong, so I take it out on myself.

I'm hiccuping while I talk - trying to shout but my voice is cracking, “I don’t know! I don’t know anything!”

Now that I've started I don’t want to stop, “ I don’t know why I kissed Baz, I don’t know why things never worked out with Agatha, I don’t know what I'm doing! I don’t _ever_ know what I’m doing!”

I lean back so I'm looking at the sunlight visible through the trees around us.

“I don’t know how to get us out of here! I don’t know how to use my magic! I don’t know how to defeat the Humdrum!-”

I feel like I still can’t fucking breathe.

“I don't know _anything_ ! I can’t _do_ anything! I’m the worst mage ever and it's _pathetic_ . Now we’ll never be able to find a way out and it's all my fault. _It’s always my fucking fault!”_

Only stop once I feel like I have nothing more to say. Really, I couldn’t be more honest. I was forced to say what was on my mind and this is it. I'm tired of being here, I'm sick of not knowing what I'm doing, and I'm angry at myself for not being better. Penny is such an amazing mage and she’s always taking the reins when I fail. She’s saved my life more than once, but knowing that I’m so incompetent that I can't even walk us a mile out of the Wavering Wood is infuriating. I can't deal with my anger by slashing trees or yelling at Baz, so the only thing I have left is to just cry until I feel better.

**Penny’s POV**

“Simon... ” I’m struggling to come up with something to say, _because there's so much._

Instead of talking I just grab him and pull him into my arms. 

_Simon, I don't agree with you at all. I could sit here for hours and list off all of my favorite parts of you, But it’s no use if I only think about it._

I’m shit with comfort, but I’ll be damned if I don’t try.

“ Simon,” I have my arms around him, his head is on my shoulder. I think he’s out of tears, so it’s time for me to chime in, “I hope you know that I'm _so proud of you_.” I might as well start there.

“I know things have been hard for you, but I want you to know that that's not how others see you. Simon, I've lived with Magic all my life, I've studied the theory practically since I could read. This stuff isn’t easy, the rest of us have just had a head start.”

I need him to know that I'm serious, so I nudge his head so he knows to lift it and look me in the eyes.

“You came from nothing and were thrust into this world. It must have been so difficult trying to cast for the first time, _I don't even remember my first time casting,_ it was so long ago.

I admire you so much. You’ve never given up, no matter how many obstacles. You weren't born into a mage family, you don’t live around magic, your magic itself is crazy and uncontrollable, you have the terrible fortune of being the center of a prophecy. I don’t think there is a single mage in the world who could live with it all. But you never stop trying,” I reach up to his face and I wipe away a tear that fell.

“and I never once heard you complain. Simon you deserve to be angry. You deserve to express yourself. You’re allowed to _cry_. But please don’t doubt yourself.”

I’m not sure if any of this has gotten through to him. He just holds on to me and puts his head back on my shoulder. I can feel that he’s crying again.

“ It’s alright. Carry on, Simon”

**Simon’s Pov**

The Sixth Oak revealed itself to us after that.

All I remember is - once Penny finished I cried for another couple of minutes. Eventually I cried out and I felt more at peace. My brain was finally empty of all thoughts.

That of course, meant that we both successfully did what the fifth clue said. The dense forest changed so that there was a path leading straight to another old twisted oak tree.

All that's left is deciphering the clue from this tree.

“What do you think it means?” I ask, looking at the stone underneath the roots visible by the ground.

There are strange letters carved into the stone like before, but the actual language is different this time. Neither of us can read this, but Penny just used _Come out ,come out, wherever you are_ on the other ones.

This time it seems like things won't be as easy.

“ **_Come out, come out, wherever you are_ **.” Penny tries, but the stone just shimmers for a second. The words remain the same gibberish.

She tries it again but it doesn't work.

“Merlin, well this sucks. How in the world are we going to get the clue this time?” She looks over at me, then back at the stone; she has her ‘thinking’ face on so I know she’ll come up with something.

“ **_Come out, come out, wherever you are_ ** **please**?”

Sentence enhancers sometimes help, but it didn't work this time. The stone is still unyielding.

She ends up shouting in frustration, throwing her hands up.

“Nothing I'm throwing sticks.” She pauses then and looks back over to me. “maybe you should try Simon. We might just need some of your power to bust this thing open.”

“I'm not sure Penny, I don’t want to destroy the stone.”

But she’s persistent.

“Come on Simon, just once, _please_?” She’s throwing me a smile and some puppy dog eyes, However I'm not convinced.

“Just once, Simon, and I can try and spell it fixed if anything happens.” I think she just wants me to try because she thinks it will cheer me up.

  
  


“Okay.” I say, finally giving up. I'm not sure what to try so I give _Come out, come out, wherever you are_ another go.

Like Penny’s, it fails. I should have known that would happen, she’s the wisest mage I know. If only I was smarter, or better with spells.

Oh shit….

That gives me an idea. I think I might know a spell that can help .

I point my wand ( I'm surprised it's still on me, I thought I lost it earlier), and I let out the spell “ **_The only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing_ ** _.”_

It's a very long spell, but sometimes more difficult spells work better than the short ones. My Magic is weird like that.

This spell is supposed to give you insight, but not very many people use it because one, it wastes a lot of magic, two, the spell never works the same way twice, and three, a mage can only use it if they truly ‘ _know nothing’,_ which can be oddly subjective.

However, since the clue is content on staying encrypted, then maybe the thing that needs to change is _me,_ not the stone.

For once, my magic works without a hitch. It’s too dangerous to cast spells on Penny, so I have to spell myself. I can feel the rush of magic coursing through my body.

I'm not exactly sure what i'm supposed to be looking for. I know the spell has worked but nothing has changed. I had hoped that the spell would temporarily give me the ability to read the language the clue is written in, but I look and the stone still looks gibberish.

“Well fuck,” I kinda just stand there and scratch my head. “Maybe you should try it, Pen?” but she looks doubtful.

“I don’t have enough Magic left for that...”

I think about trying to share my magic with her, but I don't think I want to. It could be dangerous….. And well, I kind of like how it's just a _me and Baz_ thing.

_But since when has there been a ‘_ me and Baz’ _? Oh Merlin, please don’t think about this right now._

I look over to the clue again and I notice something.

No, I still can’t read the language, but I _do_ figure out something that I've hadn’t realized before..

  1. Old twisted Oak
  2. Gibberish 
  3. Powerful magic



“Penny, I know where the seventh Oak is”

  
  
  


_____________________________

I drag Penny through the woods, no longer relying on magic to show us the way. I don’t need it right now, in fact I could get there in my sleep if I wanted to.

We pass all the previous oaks as we leave the Wavering Woods. As we go, Penny uses **_Back to start_ **on all the trees to put all the protective spells back on.

“I can’t believe I didn’t notice before Pen” I have her hand in mine and I'm practically dragging her along side me, but I’m really excited. “I’ve only seen it about a million times!”

After twenty minutes we reach the end of the woods and we pop out right where I planned.

In front of us is what can only be described as a ramshackle Barn with a huge oak tree ingrained into the side. Behind it there is a huge pasture with grazing goats.

By now I've let go of Penny’s hand.

“Oh Simon!” she gasps, ” _of course”_

And after that I just started running. I know Penny won't be far behind me. When we reach the barn we are both tired but it was worth it. I don't even knock on the door. I just fling it open and walk in.

Inside Ebb is sitting, a cuppa in her hand.

“Simon, Penny!” She turns over to look at me once I barge in, “It’s been a while.” Of course she isn’t surprised by my sudden entrance.

“What brings you two here?” There’s a patient smile on her face. 

She quietly waits for us to elaborate, spelling up two extra cups and pouring some tea in them.

We walk over and pull up a chair. It isn't until I'm seated that a plate of scones appears in front of me. When Penny sits next to me a plate of her favorite sweet appears, Jalebi. An indian treat I've seen her mom make it a couple times while I've stayed over.

“Well,“ I say between stuffing a scone in my mouth, because _Merlin_ I'm hungry, “The mage sent us on a mission in the Wavering Woods.”

Penny takes a bite of her snack , and lets out a sound of surprise. She turns over to me “Tastes just like my mum’s? How in the world…”

“I spelled the table with **_Be our guest_ ** _._ ”

“Amazing, I didn’t know that was a spell yet!” Penny is excited to hear about it, she loves learning about contemporary spells.

Ebb gives a little smirk her way, “Well I created it so, you two were my first test subjects. Congratulations”

This is why I love Ebb. We’ve come here from a stressful mission and now we are sipping tea and snacking on our favorite foods. Whenever I come here I know I'll feel like I belong. She has this way of making you feel like this is where you’re meant to be. When I was first brought here to the world of mages I felt like a complete outsider, like there would never be a place for me. But then I got lost and a baby goat started gnawing at my coat sleeve, eventually leading me here.

When I'm with Ebb, I never have to worry about being the smartest mage or the most powerful mage or stopping the Humdrum. I just need to be,well... Simon.

  
  


I had zoned out on the conversation the two girls were having, but when I joined back in they were talking about our mission.

“- so we were knackered because we had been looking for these Oaks _all_ day and the final tree was being difficult” Penny rants.

Ebb gets a glint in her eye, like she so often does sometimes, and I know she means trouble.

“Oh i'm sure it was, kiddos”

“However, Simon used this absolutely brilliant spell to find the last oak”

Now Ebb is looking at me, curious “What was it Simon?”

I'm a little embarrassed to say it- “The only true wisdom is knowing you know nothing”

But she is delighted.

“Simon! Astonishing, I mean, not even _I_ would have thought to use that. It's very tricky to use practically.” She leans forward, putting her tea down and lifting her hand to put it on top of mine. “I'm proud of you, Simon.”

And I feel like I could cry again.

Penny starts again before I can get too emotional, thank god.

“So Ebb, are you the last clue?”

She looks over at Penny, returning back to her casual recline.

“No.” It’s simple.

“The Mage sent you on this quest?” she asks .

“Yes, there is something at the seventh tree that he needed us to retrieve.” He wouldn't tell me what it was, just said I’d know what to do when I get there. The Mage is full of vague nonsense like that. However it usually works out, so I don’t question it .

“Well Simon, when you see the Mage again, you tell him that whatever he’s looking for, he won't find it here.” And now I'm extremely confused. Infact, There are alot of things that don't quite make sense right now.

Penny is three steps ahead of me, per usual. “Wait a minute, if you knew where the seventh tree was this whole time, then why did the Mage send _us_ to find it?”

Ebb settles down into her chair, looking off to the side. She does this often while we talk, like she has a hard time focusing, or she’s distracted. 

“I don’t know kiddos.” However I feel like she does.“ I don’t work for the Mage, I was hired as the grounds keeper for Headmistress Pitch.”

“Oh that's right, you and Natasha were close” and now Penny and Ebb have lost me. Since when did Ebb know the Pitches?

“I was close with both Natasha and….. her sister.”

Now I have to stutter in “Y-you knew Fiona?” 

I can’t believe it.

Ebb gets this sad look on her face, like I've just dug my fingers into an old wound.

“I’m sorry for-”

“I more than just knew her, she’s my soulmate.”

Now I'm stunned.

“But I don’t like to talk about it.”

I know I should drop it but there is something on my mind that I _need_ to ask.

“Wait… so your soulmate is a girl?”

Now Ebb is looking at me funny.

“Yes.” now both her and Penny are staring at me, “Do you think that's strange Simon”

“N-no, but well…” I'm not sure if I should bring it up because Penny is here, it's not my story to tell, “but you t-told me about that one guy. That you dated at Watford?”

Ebb breaths in deep, remembering. “I did.”

This is what gets me. It doesn't make any sense to me. “W-well, if you’re a girl, and you like boys… then how is your soulmate a girl?”

It sounds like a simple question. I hear myself talking and I sound like an idiot.

I start to doubt myself. _What if that was a terrible question to ask? Was I out of line?_

Ebb just comes out and says it like it's simple, “I’ve always liked both”.

Now I'm gasping like a fish, trying to come up with something to say, before I know it I'm standing quickly, the chair I was sitting on screeches as it slides across the floor.

“You’re telling me that's a thing!” _Mind boggling._

“Simon!” Penny hisses, “ I’ve told you about this before!”

Ebb is just sitting in her chair, as impish as always, slightly chuckling and my revelation.

“ Yes, it's _a thing.”_ She's teasing me, but in a way that I know is loving.

“Come on Penny, you can’t expect me to remember _everything_ you say. You say a lot of stuff.”

Now she’s stood up and is walking over to me, grabbing my shoulders and pretending to hit me over the head. She eventually settles on just keeping her arm over my shoulder.

It's comfortable.

“Anyways kiddos,” Ebb chimes “you’ve found the seventh oak, but I'm afraid there's nothing here for you.”

This sours my mood a bit. I always try to succeed at my mission, going back to the Mage empty handed makes me feel like a failure.

“However, Simon” Ebb paused to look at me “ you can tell The Mage that he should come talk to me the next time he wants to send some kids on a wild goose chase.”

  
  
  


___________________

  
  


I walk into the Mage’s office half an hour later. It’s going to be difficult to tell the Mage what happened. Once I’m inside I see the Mage at his desk. He waves me over to sit in the seat in front of him. I do, and I wait for him to finish whatever he’s doing with the papers before I say anything.

I'm sitting there for a good five minutes before he finally sighs and puts the documents away in some cabinet. He sits back down and finally looks at me, hands clasped in front of him, “So, how did it go, Simon?”

He asks this every time I come back from a mission. The exact words. His voice is stern but also soft. I’m not sure how to read it really, but I have always interpreted it as kind. As kind as he gets with anybody .

“Well,.. uh, Sir-” I’m still nervous, running my hand through my hair. I _really_ don’t like disappointing him. “Penny helped me find the first couple of trees,” I want to talk about the good stuff before the bad, “she used **_Come out, come out, wherever you are_ ** to reveal the clues”

“And did you use any spells, Simon?” He's always trying to get me to practice my magic, I don't really think he _gets_ that it just doesn't work like everyone else's.

‘Well I mostly just-” I look up at him with my head down “-used my sword, Sir”

And I can’t stand the look of disappointment on his face.

“W-well, I did cast a wisdom spell, S-sir”

He then looks at me. I can’t read him, it's almost infuriating.

After stringing me along he just gives a simple nod.

“and how did your talk with The Goatherd go?” he asks (but how did he know about that?)  
  


“It-” I really don't want to tell him, “She said to tell you not to send anyone after the Seventh Oak again, she wouldn’t tell me anything more.”

Now the Mage looks angry, he turns around behind his desk and murmurs a quiet ‘Damn her’, and stands.

“And there was nothing else you could have done to get her to talk?” he looks deadly serious.

“What would you have done?” I ask because it seems safest.

He just doesn't answer, walking back over to the cabinet and taking out more documents. He sighs and settles back down in his chair.

“That's all Simon, go back to your room. Your mission is over”


	6. Please put down your hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These next few chapters are the parts that I am most excited to write!
> 
> Also this one is much shorter than last chapter, but it's kind of just odd ends that I feel I needed to tie up before 8th year.

**The Mage’s pov**

The thing about Simon Snow is that he is broken. A broken vessel that I must mend.

**Ebb’s pov**

The thing about Simon Snow is that he is just a boy. A boy that I must fix.

**Penny’s Pov**

The thing about Simon Snow is that he’s not ready to be a hero. But someone needs to be.

**Agatha’s Pov**

The thing about Simon Snow is that he's the main character. But I'm tired of being an extra.

**Simon Pov**

The thing about Simon Snow is I have no clue who he is. And I don’t know if I ever will.

**Baz’s Pov**

The thing about Simon Snow is that he is first and foremost - an enigma. And secondly - an _oaf_.

And he’s been ignoring me.

I haven’t been sure how to interpret this. There is a part of me that wants to be offended, that wants to shout and get angry. Because I finally felt that we we’re moving in the right direction.

But the smarter part of me knows that our situation is too delicate. I’ll just mess things up by poking and prodding at him. So when I notice him staring at me and then pretending that I don’t exist in our shared room, I keep my mouth shut, and just smile - to let him know that I'm not holding anything against him.

I tried to entice and enthrall Simon into noticing me, into falling in love with me, but now I think it's time to let him figure things out for himself.

Because despite what me or anyone else may believe, Simon is fully capable of taking care of himself. He's been doing it for years.

So if he needs time to deal with his feelings, then I’m not going to interrupt him. Besides, it’s not like love is the only thing on our minds. Seventh year means preparing for our future, taking aptitude tests, getting ready for university ( if one decides to attend, that is). I’m positive that Simon has much more than just a kiss on his plate.

The end of term is here, and I know I’ll miss Simon dearly, but by the time we return this autumn, hopefully Simon will have figured some things out. At the very least, he should have his soulmark by then.

**Agatha’s Pov**

I don't know what I’m doing.

It’s the end of term and a lot of things are suddenly hitting me.

_Next year is my eighth year, I don't have to return to Watford_.

I will.... my parents would throw a fit if I didn’t, but it’s a pleasant thought.

The truth is, I've been pushing myself to fit this role, the role that others expect of me. _The courteous daughter, the happily ever after, the damsel._

But those are not real, the truth I want to live is different. So maybe _that's_ why I chased Basilton into the forest. Simon says he’s a vampire, but I don’t care. He’s handsome, he’s polite, and he’s the opposite of Simon.

_He’s the opposite of what everyone else expects of me._

I want something new, I want to be bold, I want a life that's not centered around magic, I want to choose my own path.

_I want. I want_ just as much as everyone else does.

So maybe this is teenage rebellion, maybe i’m only doing this because it’s different- but i’m _allowed that_.

I just wasn’t expecting to find Basil like this, hunched over a dead pheasant with its neck snapped like both ankles on Eight Belles.( famous Racing horse) There’s no blood on the bird _or_ on his face, he’s too well kept for that, however there is a redness to his lips that isn’t normally there, and a pair of pearly white canines that are too sharp to be human.

The both of us are just staring at each other, both looking at the most dangerous person in Watford.

“Basilton...” I’m stunned. I was never sure if I believed Simon when he claimed Basilton was a vampire, I thought he’d do just about anything, say anything, to get Basilton expelled.

Before I can say more, Basilton’s wand has dropped out of his sleeve and into his hand. His face transforms from terrified to just simply scared. He points his wand at me.

**_Ix-nay on the ampire-vay!_ **

It's an illegal spell, but not the first time that it's been used on me, so the grease burn of another's powerful magic is tolerable - I just need to grit my teeth through the pain.

“What the hell are you doing here Wellbelove?” He’s serious, but I can tell he’s still shaken up. The sentence lacks all the finesse it normally does when Baz is pissed off- I have plenty experience, behind every great Simon bluster is an exasperated _me_.

“I-I wanted to see you.” I don’t know if my voice is shaking from the nerves or the fact that I now know he could kill me with just the strength in his little finger.

“But I think this was a bad idea- “ I want to turn around and leave him here, but he won’t let me.

He grabs me by the hand and forcefully turns me around. Then grabs onto my hands with both of his. His grip is much too strong to match the casual demeanor he’s trying to maintain - or to be human.

“Wellbelove, you need to understand...” he shifts a bit closer to me. I should probably move back but I'm not sure if that would be smart.

“You've already spelled me silent, what else do you expect from me!” I hiss.

I don’t normally use this tone, but the longer I'm here the more forceful his grip on my hands is becoming.

“No one can know, Wellbelove,” he pauses, ”Agatha.” He’s using my name like it is supposed to mean something, but I'm not Simon. I don’t care.

All I feel right now is regret. I shouldn’t have come here. I should have left him well enough alone.

He’s trying to convince me to keep my mouth shut and I'm getting angry with him. The both of us are leaning closer to each other, him, because he probably thinks it’ll get me to swoon or something. Me, because I want him to see that I'm reaching my limit on being forced to be a part of the weird antics of _main characters._

I won’t tell, I couldn’t if I wanted to.

However before I get the chance to break this up, Simon and Penny come rushing through the brush in the forest next to us.

  
  


**Simon’s Pov**

_Well this is it._

I’ve been ignoring Baz because just looking at his stupid face makes me angry. In the past, I'd get angry because I wanted to punch him in the face. Every time I looked at him I was reminded of the Posh Tory Bullshit he’d spew whenever given the chance.

However getting to know him made me start to believe that those thoughts weren't his own. Maybe he was just playing his part, like the rest of us, _like me._

Now I see his face and I'm angry because I can't stop imagining kissing him again. 

I’ve been trying not to think about it, but well, at this point in my life I can’t afford to stop thinking about stuff. If I keep pushing these things off, they’ll build up like a snowball on the top of a mountain. The more I push off, the bigger it gets as it rolls down- eventually it's gonna hit me, and it’s gonna be huge.

I’m feeling it now.

I realized this while I was at Ebbs this weekend- ignoring my friends and school work. Ebb never makes me _think_ about stuff. I just get to go there and talk to her about her day, play with baby goats. Cute stuff.

However, I think that's why it all crept up on me. Without the busy schedule, or the missions from The Mage, or Penny buzzing in my ear, I forgot what I wasn’t supposed to be thinking about.

I think I like Baz. 

It’s a strange thing for me. Considering I know he’s already taken, he has a soulmate. However I think that's _why_ it was him. It’s safe.

He has someone else, so I won't need to worry about these feelings making things awkward. If I wanted to, I could think about him all day, and I wouldn't feel any pressure to make something out of it.

Also, on the days he pisses me off, it's all too easy to pretend that the only reason I’m staring at him is because he’s annoying.

But no matter how prepared I thought I was, I wasn't ready for this.

“ _Simon.”_ It’s Agatha. Me and Penny stumble upon them while we were on our way back from Ebb’s. She finally decided to drag me back so I don't end up failing all my classes this term.

Her and Baz are close, he’s holding her hands. I think we might have just interrupted something. A confession?

Baz looks at me but doesn't say anything, in fact he hasn’t said anything to me since I kissed him. I think I made things weird between us anyways. There was a delicate friendship brewing, I think that maybe that was how we were supposed to be, what the crucible intended when it cast us together. I really messed things up. _I didn’t even know if he wanted it, I thought I saw him looking at my lips, but was I right? Obviously not._

But the truth is out, Agatha really is Baz’ soulmate, and I've interrupted whatever dramatic and thoughtful confession Baz must have planned.

I want to be sad, I want to be angry. (Why? I don’t even know who I’m jealous of anymore)

But I don’t have time to be anything because the second Penny puts her hand on me, to comfort me I'm assuming, I feel the burning and tingling of empty that can only be associated with one thing.

_The Humdrum._

One second I'm looking at Agatha and Baz, the next I see a forest - _Lancashire_ \- and the empty feeling gets worse.

**Baz POV**

“What the fuck just happened to Snow?”

_He just fucking disappeared, into thin air?_

Agatha, the gall of her, just shakes her head and sighs - looking more than slightly annoyed. “I really don’t have the patience for this.”

And she _walks away._

  
  
__________

I wasn’t exactly sure what to think. Simon and Bunce do crazy and outlandish things all year, so when they disappeared I was surprised and worried ( as much as I normally worry about Simon while he’s away on missions), but eventually I didn’t think much of it. This must just be his strange magic at work or another quest from The Mage.

However when the closing ceremony started that night, I began to think that there _might_ possibly be a problem. For one, the Bunce Family was on The Mage the whole night. Asking questions like “Where is she?” and “What do you mean you _lost_ them?”

So there was no mission, Simon simply just disappeared once he saw Wellbelove and I in the woods.

I want to believe the disappearance was his own doing, but I don’t remember smelling burnt cinnamon.

I wasn’t sure how to approach Simon before and I certainly can't now that he’s _missing_. But even if he wasn’t - how would I explain what happened in the forest with Wellbelove? I’d have to tell him about me.

This year is ending with so many questions. _What happened to Simon Snow and Penelop_ _e_ _Bunce? Why was Simon ignoring me? Should I have said something to him before term ended?_

Even when Simon and Penny bargain half way through the ceremony - bleeding and clothes tattered- I can't find an answer to any of these questions.


	7. I Find It Hard To Believe You Don't Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two different summers, but the same ending.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha I'm not witty, it's just the summers before Canon.

**Baz** **’s** **POV**

This summer has been complete rubbish. 

**Simon** **’s** **POV**

This summer has been _amazing._

**Baz** **’s** **POV**

I've been having a more difficult time getting Simon Snow out of my mind.

 _Yes_ , obviously because he’s cute and I love him and I miss him _dearly_ . But none of this is new. The frustration of having to take more cold showers than normal, _less new_ but still completely manageable. No, the thing that has stressed me is this- I have no clue what's happening to Simon Snow, or if he is even _okay_.

After his and Bunce's disappearance at the end of the closing ceremony, I had no time to talk or see him (other than quick eye contact and a raised eyebrow from me).

I still don't know what happened to Simon, or why he was absolutely drenched in blood, and I have no clue where he is right now, which is a problem for many reasons. One- I always worry for him during the summer because I know he goes back to care homes. (I swear I'll drain the Mage the next time I see him)

Two- from what my family has begrudgingly told me during family meetings, the Humdrum was involved and is now more dangerous than ever.

Which means Simon Snow is in more danger than ever.

The tension between The Mages Men and the Families, the war with the dark creatures, and the Humdrum - everything is piling up, and Simon has been thrust in the middle of it all. 

The world thinks it's his job to settle these things, but he wouldn’t know conflict resolution if a book on it hit him in the face. In fact, he’d probably slash at it for hitting him. (I’m allowed to insult him, I mean well)

This summer sucks because it's barely the end of June and half of me is going crazy missing him, and the other is going crazy worrying that he’ll be killed before I get the chance to see him again.

_What have the families been meeting about behind my back? Why won’t they tell me anything important? What if they plan to ambush Snow while the Mage is away?_

_What if the Mage is planning moves against us so tension will plateau before facing the Humdrum?_

  
  


**Simon** **’s** **Pov**

Okay, so the summer didn’t start off amazing. It actually started off terrible. Confronting the humdrum was probably one of the most traumatic experiences in my life - and I was forced to slay a dragon my first year. (Believe it or not, that’s dark magic, heavy stuff - and it really fucks with your head.)

In fact, I kinda had a mental breakdown at the end of term. Like normal, the Mage waited till the closing ceremony was over and everyone was gone to send me to whichever home for the summer, but this time I refused. 

I couldn’t leave Watford.

He insisted I go, that I needed to stay close to the language, but it had and _always has_ sounded like bullshit to me. So I started trying anything I could to stay here. I brought up that I'm safest here, I mentioned that I could help him with missions, but he wouldn't listen.

It wasn’t until I was about to go off that I finally told him the real reason - that I was scared.

“I can’t leave - what if I go and the Humdrum summons me again? How will anyone know I'm missing? No one at the homes will care if I disappear, but _here_ someone will notice. _Please._ ” I was begging.

This is not what you want to hear from the hero, the greatest mage, but I'm terrified of the Humdrum. He would have killed me if Penny wasn’t there to get us the hell out of there.

So I ended up staying at Watford. Specifically, with Ebb and the goats.I could have stayed in my usual room, but me, Ebb, and the goats are the only ones here. The rest of the staff is off and doesn't come back till a week before next term. The Mage isn’t even here most of the time anymore.

And I didn’t want to be alone in Mummers…

Plus I had no way of making any food for myself without access to Cook Pritchard’s kitchen. So yeah, Ebb was the perfect option for me.

And when I successfully ignore the fear of being summoned away, I can enjoy the time we’re spending together. She’s been teaching me how to brew tea, how to cook with the veggies from her garden, how to herd the goats (I don't need spells, they just love my magic so all I need to do is whistle for them and they come right over)

“You’re a natural, Simon!” there are tears in her eyes as she says it (she's really emotional, almost always crying- it's refreshing)

It’s nice to be a natural at something - well, something other than _killing_.

Penny is a natural, _Baz is a natural,_ other people are naturals, but me? Never really thought of myself like that. It’s nice to finally think of myself as someone who is good at things. Not someone who botches things up all the time.

She doesn't ask me what happened however she does offer consoling, and even a few stories of her own.

She told me about her brother Nicky - and that he’s no longer with us. How she can’t see any of her family anymore, how she’s a bit lonely. We have that in common.

I really love spending time here with her. I think…. Maybe.. If i had a family I’d want it to be like her.

But… _anyways._

Like I was saying- I’m content here (for the most part). The most reassuring part is that even if the Humdrum swipes me away again, _someone will know_. Someone will be looking for me. I won’t just disappear and be off’d before anyone who cares about me has the chance to find out. And that was just about all I could do to protect myself.

Time goes by fast here at Watford, I’d almost suspect that Ebb cast **_Time Files._ ** (It would work). Before I know it, a month has passed and it's nearing the end of June. I haven't really been counting the days- there is no reason, no school, no job, no mission for the Mage, and it’s not like I actually know when my birthday is, I just know it's in the summer, so I'm not really expecting anything to happen yet.

I hadn't really thought of Soulmarks. It’s one of those weird magic things that I thought were fake, and when I was younger I thought people were just messing with me. 

They weren't and it isn’t.

I didn’t even realize it happened, there is no itch, no burn, it doesn't feel like you're getting a tattoo, it just appears one night. I didn't even realize I had it till half way through the day- I was washing my hands after I went to the loo.

I Pulled up the sleeves of the thermals I got at a charity shop Ebb took me too, and I saw it. My brain didn’t even register it for what it was until I was trying to wash it off, thinking it was just part of the chores list I had written there yesterday.

**Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch**

_Huh._

**Baz POV**

I end up spending the summer attending meetings with my father, not because I care about what the old families are doing, I'm just desperate to keep myself busy, and maybe figure out where Snow is.

However the more invested I get in Family business the more they expect of me. They have officially made me _Simon Snow watchdog_ , which - _yeah, already doing that._

I think they might expect me to make a move against him soon, which I obviously can’t do. I haven’t told anyone about my Soulmark, not my Father, my siblings or my step mother. No one other than Fiona knows, (and that girl, bloody hell, _what was I thinking?_ ) however that's not by choice, the first second I saw her for break, she grabbed my wrist to look for it. Extremely rude, but Fiona was never known for her tact.

I think the rest of my family suspects I don't have a Soulmark- because I'm a vampire. And for right now it's extremely convenient, so I haven’t corrected them. However, it does make their ‘ _plotting the demise of the Mage’_ more inconvenient for me, more than they know.

Despite the inconvenience, I haven't really focused on much else during the summer, because I do need to know this stuff, and I need to know what the Mage has been up to. So far it's raiding houses, claiming artifacts and drafting bills that limit the old families, and adding more and more books to the restricted book list.

While I don't agree with everything my family stands for, I _do_ believe that no matter what one should _never_ limit knowledge, it could be disastrous for Mages. So that's the angle I go for at meetings when the other families ask for my opinion. I refrain from talking about most things, but I can openly get behind that with a clear conscience.

Because not everything the Mage has done is bad, otherwise Simon wouldn't be helping him - he has a strong moral compass. 

Like most politics, it's about choosing which is a necessary evil. It’s tricky, but it must be done.

~~~~~

Despite the fact that I am in complete control of myself and my feelings, for some reason, Daphne thought I looked like I needed a break from the bandwagon that is politics. 

I don’t know why, I think that over the course of the summer I’ve taken good care of myself considering- but once Daphne gets an idea she runs with it, and it's best to just let her have her way, so when she suggests I go to the club with Dev I just let her pack my bag and force me out of the house.

Even Dev sounded a little worried when we first met up. Which is strange because it’s not like him to make mountains out of molehills. So I give him something to chew on, I tell him that I'm stressed and worried, I thank him for listening and even give him a hug. It's all very touching. 

But unnecessary. Because I've had a terrible summer, but I've had a lot of terrible summers, and I will be just fine.

So I’ll take this summer, and I'll pack it away. I’ll process it later. I'm good at that, distancing myself from the situation.

I may be miserable, but no one needs to know, and I can address it later when i'm ready.

In a couple of weeks I will be back at Watford, I will see Simon, and together we can figure things out.

  
  


**Simon’s POV**

Starting school this year was different for a lot of reasons. I'm already on school grounds so the stroll to Mummers is much different than the long train rides, but I'm still thinking of all the things that I'm excited for - Penny, scones (and roast beef and shepherd's pie, etc), and I'm still thinking about Baz. Which isn’t surprising.

However I'm definitely thinking about him in a different way. Instead of wanting to punch him because he’s - _well, Baz_ \- I want to punch him for a different reason. Like oh, how he’s my soulmate and knew for months and didn’t tell me.

And being angry is easier than exploring my feelings in depth so let's stick with that, yeah.

When I see him this term in going to punch him, then maybe kiss him so hard his stupid beautifully sculptured lips fall off.

But first I'm going to yell at him, I mean, _that's_ why he was being so nice to me and I now just realised he was probably flirting with me. But it’s not my fault for not realising. Maybe it would have been easier if he wasn’t such a dick to me for years.

So I guess maybe I'm not over it. All of our fighting.

It was, admittedly, really fun to get along with him, and I really enjoyed the company _and my grades definitely appreciated the help._ But that doesn't change the fact that we hated each other, and we did terrible things because of that. So maybe it's not unreasonable that I still want to punch him in the face.

And kiss him.

50/50.

And _Merlin damn it,_ he tried to kill me _three_ times, so he better come back and apologize or he’s gonna be in a whole hell of trouble.

  
  


**Baz’s POV**

_Oh God, who knew I cursed like a_ _N_ _ormal when I'm terrified?_

Not me, but I guess I do now.

It’s been weeks? Days? Months? I have no clue. You can’t tell time in here, no matter how calm you are or how well you count the hours, minutes, _seconds._ I get lost eventually, it's hard to track the time with no light, It's Pitch black (ha) except for when the numpties open the coffin to feed me.

My nails are bloody from trying to claw my way out, but it doesn't budge- even with my super strength. They’ve been starving me of real food, _which I still need,_ and it's made me weak.

_It’s my fault really, I should have been on my guard, and Numpties,_ really _? It's pathetic._ I'm _pathetic._

_It’s dark and cold and I'm horrified._

_The only thing that's keeping me sane is the thought of gold hair and blue eyes. Boring blue eyes that are normal and there is nothing special about them at all. Other than the fact that they belong to Simon Snow._

_Simon snow, who I might never see again._

_Because I might die here._


	8. The beauty you are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz is back, and so is his attitude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that I said there wouldn't be any more Angst.... But Baz is angst king....

****

**Simon’s POV**

  
  


After the first day I was worried, because if Baz is anything - it's annoyingly punctual.

But after the first week, I was flipping out.

_Baz would never miss school_. He’s too proud. He wouldn’t give the title of ‘best in class’ to Penny so easily. And besides, he, just like Penny, has been working on his Eighth Year spell for months already.

* * *

_flashback_

Baz is sitting in his desk chair. He’s been writing things down and crossing things out for a while now - getting that look on his face, the one with annoyance just barely hidden behind the surface.

“What on earth could be so important?” I finally break and ask. He hasn't looked up from the paper for at least an hour.

He stops and looks up at me, pausing and looking back down.

“I'm working on my spell for Eighth year…” apparently he ended up deeming me worthy enough to talk to.

“ Merlin - you and Penny - you two are crazy.”

He just looks over at me and chuckles a bit, and it's still weird to hear it- Baz laughing, but not _at me._

“It’s never too early to start, it takes years to develop a good spell, frankly it's utterly ridiculous that they only give us a year, but…”

He pauses again, “ … I think I might have it, Simon.” he smiles as he says it, it's a small smile but still manages to be quite proud. _The prick._  
“ _And_ it's useful in many ways.” he’s phrased it in a tempting way, like he’s hiding something - or _plotting_.

“What are you up to, Baz?” I ask, now leaning over on my bed. I was attempting to do my homework, but I had to stop because I just couldn’t stop getting interrupted by Baz. He’d make a sound or his chair would creak and I'd be drawn over.

He doesn't answer but he gets a bit more serious when he says, “You better not go running to your smarter half and tell her”

“I tell Penny everything.” It's just a statement, as true as the sky being blue , and I purposefully ignore the insult he just threw at me.

“Well, keep this between us - _for me”_

“Yeah right. Surrrreeeee” I look away and try to focus back on the chapter I'm reading for magical politics, it’s kinda getting good.

But he grabs my attention again.

**_I see you shiver with antici-_ **

Baz’s voice draws me in, and this time it isn't voluntary, my head turns so quick I end up feeling like I've pulled a muscle. But I can't look away. His mouth looks like it's still holding the vowel, but he’s silent. I move my eyes up from his lips, and into his own. He holds me there for a bit and I'm clinging onto the word, leaning forward more slightly, and it's almost like the magic pull of the crucible - but much less painful. Actually…. it feels incredible. I’m almost dizzy with the feeling.

**_-pation!_ **

He ends the spell with a final flick of his wand and the spell breaks, suddenly it's like I've been doused with cold water.

“ _Bloody hell, Baz.”_ I'm stunned. “What was that?”

“It’s the spell i’ve been working on”

**Baz’s POV**

It's good to see it works, however I don't think I'll be using this spell for 8th year. It’s from _Rocky Horror Picture Show._ An incredible movie, however, not exactly school appropriate.

The spell is meant to grab people's attention, and keep them focused on the caster, however, it only works if the person that's been affected is attracted to the caster.

_Crowley, I'm living a charmed life._

* * *

**Simon Pov**

_Merlin,_ just thinking about it - _damn it-_ I was so oblivious! Why didn’t I realize it before?

Just thinking about him missing has me practically sick with nerves. The part of me that has been freaking out grows stronger the more I mull over it. _Baz would rather die than miss out on his last year at Watford._ Which is exactly why I'm so worried.

The only way he’d give up bragging rights over Penny is if it was literally _over his dead body._

**Baz’s POV** ****

I’m not going to talk about it. In fact, I'm not even thinking about it. The weeks I've spent locked away in the dark can be summed up minutely by the static and empty buzzing sounds in my head whenever my thoughts drift towards the topic.

It no longer exists. Where the first two months of the school year should be - is now just empty. I had to get rid of it, or the memories of it would destroy me.

However, those weeks locked away are not the only memories I want to erase.

Once Fiona arrived at my hiding place/grave, I quickly shut down. I no longer allowed myself to feel any emotions. It was dangerous to leave myself and my emotions unchecked.

The moment I got home, finally safe for the first time in weeks, I tore through the woods behind my house. 

My sane, more _human_ mind doesn't want to think about it, the way I moved - the speed- and the strength I demonstrated when I practically ripped the deer carcass apart, it was strange and I was desperate.

 _I was thirsty._ I was hungry.

Even though the Numpties gave me blood, it wasn't enough. Not to keep me sated - to keep the hunger for something else inside me from growing. _I was starving._ They rarely give me any regular food either, so the malnutrition made the desperation worse.

_And I wanted to sink my fangs into Fiona’s neck the moment I heard her blood close enough for my deprived ears to catch the sound._

It terrified me. I really wanted to do it, I don't know how I stopped myself.

I must have been a sight - messy and matted hair, bleeding fingernails not quite the right color red, stains on my white clothes from the times I spilled the anonymous blood, frenzied from the dark and the _empty._

_Oh god, what did they feed me- just thinking it might be hum-_

I can’t even finish the sentence.

  
  


It makes me want to wretch.

In case I’d forgotten- and somehow I did forget, S _imon Snow made me forget -_ I’m a monster.

And more importantly, I'm a danger to all those who are important to me. One day I could snap, and attack. I could hurt someone, My Aunt, my parents, my siblings, _my soulmate._

I wanted to before.

Simon _was_ right before, I am dangerous. And a killer.

I didn’t want to go back to Watford this year. There are so many people I could hurt, and my mother's grave is buried beneath the school.

Does she know what's become of me? Does my existence haunt her the way her’s haunts me now? I know she wouldn’t approve of me and that thought is painful enough to make my heart ache.

I felt like I couldn't go back knowing she’ll be there. I’d be forced to confront her memory.

But Father said I must return. He said to do it in her name. But if I really wanted to honor her, I’d set myself alight right now. It’s what she would have wanted - that is what she died for.

But I didn’t really have a say in the matter, so my bags were packed and Fiona was the one who drove me to Watford.

She tried to talk to me on the way there, but I wasn’t really in the mood to talk - I still felt like shit. I stayed silent the whole ride there. She started talking without expecting a reply, she told me how my father and the Families suspect the Mage was behind my kidnapping. She took this time to really just start trashing him, calling the Mage “Davy” and comparing him to a hunched over Numpty fairy baby. I think she was trying to cheer me up but it didn’t work.

I had too much happening in my mind.

_My family suspects the Mage. They didn't care that I wanted to stay home. They refused to pay a ransom._

_That last one in particular gets me. It makes me furious. I was rotting for weeks and they didn’t even_ try _to pay it. “Pitches never pay ransom”_

_The Pitches are dead._

  
  


Finally, when we reached Watford, she left me at the gates. I felt hollow. Like a lemon that's been juiced. 

And if this wasn’t all _fantastic_ enough, I had to limp my way past the gates and through the grounds.

**Simon’s Pov**

It’s just a normal day. A day like all the others this week, I woke up alone in my room, I went to class - which seems so quiet now it might as well be empty- and I spent all my time thinking about Baz.

It’s weird - the school is as lively as ever. Almost everyone is excited about the visitings. A couple of students and even some of the teachers have had visitors. Mostly just boring family drama - nothing juicy according to Penny. My visit is the only one that seems to be worth her time.

Well, I shouldn’t say _my_ visit, it was meant for Baz, but he’s not here.

Headmistress Pitch scared the shit out of me, I thought she was Baz at first. Same hair color and length, same height. Very Pretty. But other than this, nothing’s happened, no missions for the Mage, no cool mystery visitings, no attacks from the Humdrum. Everyone else seems to be relishing in the normalcy, and has moved on and accepted that Baz won't be returning this year.

I’ve started to accept it too, I mean, I have no choice _But_ to accept it. There is nothing I can do, I’ve spent weeks looking for him- staying up all night to see if he’d return, sweeping the catacombs when I got antsy.

Now I'm just _angry._

You know what? _Fuck Baz._

Fuck him for being so nice then ditching me for the final year. I'm furious _._ We finally began to settle things between us and he taps out like a fucking wimp. _Im here. I showed up. I was ready to face this - our bond - what ever it meant - and he fucking runs away?_

_I thought he wanted this?_

_What about flirting?_

_The bonding?_

_The kiss?_

  
  


Now he’s left me out to dry. _Well guess, what? I don’t need him._

_Who wants to date a prick anyways._

  
  


I'm mid angry internal rant, gnawing at the steak Cook Pritchard made for dinner (I was too angry to bother cutting) when once again the doors in the dining hall swing open with drama and suave.

I drop the meat from my mouth and turn around to look, just like everyone else, however once I see pale skin and dark hair the shade of the night sky, I'm on my feet.

It looks like Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch has finally decided to show up.

_______

I ignore him all day, _because fuck him and his gorgeous face and beautiful eyes that I went crazy missing._

I’m going to ignore him.

However I'm getting distracted from ignoring him - because _he’s_ ignoring _me._

He hasn’t looked at me once the whole day. He just jumped right into classes, like nothing happened and he wasn’t M.I.A for months. He joined _Advanced Magical words_ and took the comprehension test, like he’d never been gone.

I’ve been so distracted by his complete refusal to acknowledge me that I failed at ignoring him and tried to get his attention. I threw a crumpled paper at him. I hit him on the head once, but he just shook it off, all the others miss.

In my defense, it's really hard to aim when you're pretending to focus on a lecture and the target is incredibly handsome.

I mean seriously, he forgot to button up his shirt all the way, he left the first three unbuttoned _\- it's incredibly distracting-_ and an obvious sign that something isn't right. He’s off his game.

I finally corner him in the library later, (damn, it feels like fifth year all over again).

(Oh my God, was I attracted to him the whole time?!)

“Baz!” it's a whisper yell, he’s hiding in the corner and I'm peeping through a shelf of books next to him. He hears me and gives me an incredulous look, it's the first real emotion I see on his face all day.

“ Snow.” He signs, finally giving me the time of day. “What on earth are you doing?”

I get up from my hiding place quietly mumbling “You called me Simon before.” but he doesn't hear it, or at least he doesn't comment on it.

I walk over to the desk he’s sitting at and I remind myself of why I'm angry with him. “Where were you?” my temper is rising. Good, I need to be angry.

“None of your business.” He doesn't even bother looking up at me to reply.

Ohhhh, yeah _this_ is why I hated him.

“You were gone for two whole months? And you come back with a limp? What was so important that you needed to miss school?”

I haven’t even mentioned the visit from his mother, I should probably do that.

“I need to talk to you Baz - in _private_.” This is too important to just say in the library where anyone can hear. And I kinda wanted to keep it from him, just to fuck with him, but Penny made me realize a couple days ago that this is a bit bigger than our feud or my feelings.

“Leave me alone.” It's a short reply.

_Merlin, I want to punch him._

“No! We need to talk.” I slam my hands on the table he's using to do his greek homework.

He finally looks up and at me. It's the first time since he’s been back at school. Also I am definitely _not_ blown away by how beautiful his eyes are this close up.

_Come on! They definitely didn’t look like this before, I would have noticed it if he was this breathtaking all along._

But another part of me (the part that isn’t in love) is looking and it’s noticing that he doesn't look that healthy, not that he isn’t still handsome, but he looks weird. Not sickly, but weak - and tired. I can notice some bags under his eyes from this distance.

I'm sure now, something isn’t right.

 _Damn it,_ _I’_ _m supposed to be angry but now I’m worried._ Stupid feelings.

“Okay, Snow,” he pauses, because he’s dramatic like that “I’m going to say this so even _you_ can understand.” He’s leading up to a fabulous insult.

“Leave me the hell alone, I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to see you, infact, come one step closer to me - and I'll drain you dry.”

He’s trying to be scary but I’m sure of it now, there is definitely something wrong.

“Wow, that was weak, what the hell happened to you Baz? Where’s your zeal?” 

“I'm surprised you even know that word!” Now he’s standing up in his chair, he’s mad - _That's more like it._

“I started a word by the day calendar,” I say it in the same drawn out and challenging tone as my previous comment. It sounded much cooler in my head.

“You’re so-” he pauses and pinches the bridge or his nose. There is some movement by his mouth, I think he almost smiled, but he quickly kills it.

When he doesn't reply, I say “Meet me in our room in twenty minutes.” 

  
I need to tell him about his mum, and dammit we are talking about whatever the hell happened to him, even if I need to strangle the answers out of him.


	9. 'Cause I See You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They are gonna fight (:<

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, I feel like this chapter was so emotional.
> 
> Maybe I'm just projecting my own feelings onto this fic.( the presidential race was fucking WACKY.) But i always felt like Simon and Baz had too much baggage and they needed to address it. They are enemies to lovers, but the enemies part just doesn't go away once you realize you love someone.  
> Also Baz is fucked up and he needs to be comforted, so * this chapter*
> 
> also if you haven't listened to the song that inspired this fic, I'll be your mirror by The velvet underground and Nico, please do!

**Baz’s Pov**

Seeing Simon again is like breathing fresh air. Like finally pulling your head above water after being submerged - I relish in it slowly, like how the surface tension breaks after crowning.

Suddenly I can feel the oxygen entering me, but I know I can't have it, I shouldn't be letting myself dwell on him like this.

He comes barging into my seclusion and demands to be seen, to share the space I stay in, to occupy it with me.

He can’t come close.

I can’t let him.

But I still want him too. I always do.

He shuffles into our room like he’s the intruder even though I've been the one missing. He fumbles and paces, waiting by the door as I walk through it, sitting on my bed.

“Come in Snow, you’re the one who needs to talk.” I cross my arms as I wait on the bed.

I could have been harsher to him but I just don't think I have it in me anymore. The ache that gave me the fire I needed to look him in the face and scorn him, has been doused. Now it's just a dull throb.

He stands with trepidation, like he wants to come inside but also stay away, or he’s dreading the conversation. 

So am I. We match.

He doesn't respond. Just finally moves into the room and goes to his desk. For someone who’s been stalking me all week, he’s trying hard to avoid my eyes now that I've focused them on him. I don't make it easy for him either. For everything I've lost with my words I've kept with my looks. He can tell from my glare that this will not be easy for him.

He looks back at me over his shoulder, and our eyes meet. He picks up a piece of paper, I can see it's been written on- the words on it are basically illegible. His handwriting is like chicken scratch. He looks down at it and then at me.

Finally he steels himself, getting the look on his face that I love so much, the intense stare that would almost be a glare if it wasn’t so loaded with emotion. He makes his way over to me and stops once he reaches the bed. He’s standing in front of me, almost between my legs. It would be a bit erotic if I wasn’t so dead set on setting him alight with just a look.

But I guess even that could be considered erotic - it is _us_ …

He must think the same, because he pulls back slightly with a blush. _Merlin, I can’t do this._

“What is it Snow?” Let's get this over with.

“ I-I, well-” he really can’t help but stutter, it’s so utterly predictable - _it’s adorable._ I need to punish him for it.

“Y-you what Snow? Speak up.”

The blush disappears. I guess I still do have it, the zing I need to make his beautiful lips frown. He steps back even more and plays with the paper in his hand, like he’s trying to decide if he should do something. Then he makes up his mind.

“You know what Baz? Never mind.”

It’s quick, didn’t even really have to consider it. But now I want to know.

‘Snow what-” he turns to leave but I don't let him, I'm quicker than he is, he’s barely turned around before I’m between him and the door. “What is so important that you needed to get me alone?”

He grits his teeth when he replies “I said, _never mind._ ” He pushes me on the chest and out of the way so he could move past me and leave, ripping up the paper he was holding into tiny pieces and throwing it into the rubbish bin by the door.

Well that was quick.

It musn't be that important then. After pausing in our room briefly since Simon left, I figure there is little reason to stay here. It’s almost dinner time anyway. So I get ready to leave, grabbing my jumper- It will be much colder later tonight- but I find that I can't leave yet.

My eyes are drawn to the trash. I'm curious as to what Simon was going to say to me. I shouldn’t care, as long as he stays far away from me, that should be enough. But It isn’t. I walk over to the bin and see the pieces torn. There are too many to worry about puzzling together. I just cast **_As You Were_** on the whole bin. (I'm not sticking my hand into the rubbish to pick up all the pieces- who knows what else Snow has stuffed in there).

Luckily for me the paper weaves itself back together on top of all the ex-rubbish, right on top of what is now a fully ripe apple again.

I pluck it out and read it. Now I'm furious.

**Simon’s pov**

I'm getting an ugly sneer throughout the entirety of dinner. I guess that's better than being ignored. 

Funny, it feels like we’ve regressed into our old selves. Baz ignores me, then I try to rile him up, he gets annoyed and I spend all my free time thinking about it instead of paying attention to Penny.

However, this glare seems to be worse than any before. He isn’t even pretending to eat or drink, just looking at me, not bothering to look away when I look back at him. 

At the end of dinner he gets up while looking me in the eye and motions me over with the tilt of his head, an attempt to get me to follow him. It really is just like before, because I do it without question, _even though I left him in our room, I shouldn't do this._ But now he _wants_ to see me. He was pushing me away in our room and now he’s summoning me. I should ignore him the way he ignored me, piss him off the way he pisses me off. I should be jumping at the chance.

But I'm not the person I was last year and neither is he. I left earlier, but it was painful. He hurt me and I wanted to hurt him. Keeping his mother's words from him would hurt him. I know it would. That's why I walked away in our room and threw away the paper I wrote his mother's final words on. But I can't do it again. Even if he’s rude, even if he keeps trying to push me away, I can't let him succeed at it.

He leaves the dinning hall and I follow him. It's reminiscent of our fifth year. However, unlike before, I'm not sneaking around behind his back and he’s not heading to the catacombs to drink blood. At least I dont think he is. _He wouldn’t attack me right? It would be too obvious. Everyone knows we have a feud, he would be the first person the Mage would go to if I went missing or was found dead._

Does it make me a bad person - _a bad soulmate -_ for considering the option?

He could do it. He’s tried to kill me before. He almost leaves me with no choice. I have to consider it.

I still feel pretty rotten inside for it though. But there is too much between us for me to not get worried when I see him angry at me.

We make it to the wavering wood eventually. We don't go deep, but it's enough. We can’t be seen by any prying eyes. He’s standing with his back to me, I can see there is something clenched in his fist. He’s not looking at me - until suddenly he is - and he looks Pissed.

“What is _this,_ Snow?” He asks. He’s facing me now, his hand is up and I can see he’s holding a piece of paper. Well shit.

“...it’s a message.”

“From who?” He’s got me, there's no way I'm getting out of this without a fight. The note mentions his mother, he’s gonna hold on to it like a dog with a bone.

“Baz I wanted to tell you…” 

“Then why didn’t you!” He’s furious.

“I tried!” but so am I.

“I tried to tell you but you were being a prick!”

“You ripped it up, you were going to keep this from me! I deserve to know what happened!” He's practically screaming at this point. But he's not the only one that gets to be angry.

“Well you would have talked to her yourself if you bothered to come to school! What the _fuck_ happened to you!”

“You - her? Simon - did you _talk_ to my mother?” He’s quieted down, I can't tell if this is good or bad.

“She- she spoke to me through the veil - she was looking for you.” I'm trying to stay calm but it’s difficult. ”Where were you, Baz!”

Now he’s just silent, looking at me frozen. Or it's more like he’s looking through me, he’s lost in thought. He’s thinking for a second as if trying to decide how to feel, but he soon settles on anger and grief.

“DAMN IT” He shouts. He looks like he’s about to rip at the seams. His hair has fallen out of place due to all the shouting. He’s been furiously pacing. I wouldn’t be surprised if he destroyed the whole forest in anger. He’s looking around for someone else to shout at, head turning in whichever direction, but I'm the only one here and he eventually turns back to me.

“And you!” he points at me, “you-” there is something akin to betrayal on his face. It's almost desperate. It pains me to see it. His hands are searching for something to grab on to but he can only grab onto his own hair.

He finally finds the words,”What the hell is wrong with you?!”

And I'm stunned.

“W-what the hell is wrong with _me_?!” stunned and Pissed off.

“What the _Fuck_ is wrong with _you_!” I march right up to him.

“You disappear for months and then when you _finally_ return, you ignore me!” It has nothing to do with his mother's message but I've had plenty of my own anger building up and I feel the need to defend myself.

“I tried to talk to you for days! But you left the room the moment I walked in! And the _second_ I got you alone you started treating me like shit. Sorry I was pissed. Sorry I decided to be as much of a tosser as you are for once! Every time we fight it's because you start it. You haven’t changed at all.” 

I'm surprised I got through it all without stuttering or being interrupted. I can feel my voice crack half way through my rant. I'm getting red, but it feels good to finally say this stuff. I could yell at him for days, honestly.

However it doesn't take long for Baz to get his brain working again.

“Don’t turn this around and pretend to be the victim! Besides it’s not like you ever made it any easier for me, constantly bickering, constantly getting in my way, ever since fifth year all I wanted was for you to leave me alone. But you never could. You just couldn’t wait for the day you could prove me the villain.”

Now I’m not the only one screaming and ranting. The both of us must look like tools, shouting at each other, slowly drawing closer and closer. I can feel the tension building in the air. This must be why he brought me here instead of our room, it's going to get physical. There’s no Anathema to protect me.

“Well you gave me plenty of reasons, didn't you!” I'm in his face now.

He’s red, or as red as he can get, but his voice is low once again “Fuck you Snow”

I'm gonna hit him,

But he Hits me.

**Baz’s POV** **  
  
**

Honestly fuck him. I’m going to beat the shit out of him. That's what he wants. That's what he gets for trying to keep my mother’s message from me. He has no right to get involved in Pitch affairs.

My fist moves before I think about telling it too. It's very nostalgic for me actually. Just the feeling of my knuckles scraping against his cheekbones fills me with a sense of adrenaline I haven't felt since fifth year. He freezes at first, like he can’t believe I've done it, but he loosens up real quick.

He only gives me a quick second and one glance at his boring and ordinary eyes which are now burning, before he tackles me to the ground.

This time last year I would have loved to have Simon on top of me, and there's a part of me that does love it, even in this context - his fist moving down to strike me in the face.

The truth is, we never could have been together, never could have moved on without addressing this. Our past - our anger. Both at the world and at each other. I think I _need_ this. 

So when I feel the blow to my nose that has already been broken and bent out of shape by this man, I simply pause to feel the blood start to pour - and then I throw him off me.

He goes further than I intended to fling him, but I don't really care right now. I get up and roll my sleeves, by the time I'm finished he's back up and ready to deliver his next punch. I duck as he tries to hit my head again and I go for a lower shot, aiming for his gut. It lands and I'll admit it, I relish in the wheeze I force out of him.

I’m hitting harder than he ever could, but he's taking it with stride and dishing out just as much. He manages to sweep my feet out from under me. I should have seen it coming. But it's not like I’m actually trained to fight. That’s the one advantage he has over me. More experience in fighting monsters.

He gets on top of me again and grabs me by the shirt, ends up pulling a couple of the buttons off in the process.

As I look at him I see that I’ve done some damage, he’s got a bloody nose and his eye is looking swollen. He’s also favoring his right side. I want to be proud but I feel just as bad as he looks, so I have to assume we’re about even.

“There…” he’s panting, “have you got it all out of your system now?” His voice is rough and grainy. He still sounds furious as he continues.

“It wasn’t enough before, you just had to get one more fight in didn’t you?” he’s tugging at my shirt as he talks, using it to enunciate.

“This is just how we are Snow. We speak with our fists”  
  


“Fuck you! You’re always telling me to use my words! Well l want to Baz, what the hell happened to you - and why are you ignoring me.”

I want to punch him in the face again, but I’m tired. I’ve been weak since I’ve started school. So I actually have to reply with words.

“None of your business” I've almost mumbled it, I need to spit out the blood that's falling from my nose into my mouth.

He grabs onto my shirt harder, “Fuck that Baz! I’m your fucking soulmate and I care about you, what the hell is wrong with you? Why do you keep making _us_ so difficult?”

“I’m difficult, you’re difficult, the World of Mages is difficult.”

“I don't care about the World of Mages and _I'm_ trying here. What happened over the summer, what changed? We were doing so well last year.”

“What changed was I realised we could never get along. I’m your enemy.” I try to drive it home with a searing look.

“No you’re not.”

“ We just beat the shit out of each other.”

“You started it.” Even aggravated he can’t help but snap back with his ‘oh so Simon-like’ gibes.

His voice has lost a bit of the hostility, I want to laugh. What is it about Simon Snow that can take me between so many highs and lows?

**Simon’s Pov**

This feels like a conclusion. A _real_ conclusion.

For as much as I loved last year, for as much as I loved sitting in our room and studying with Baz, doing all the things that roommates and friends should do - I knew that we were missing something. We needed to address this, our tension. We were always horrible to each other and then suddenly it stopped. Baz stopped it. I was skeptical, but in the end I wanted to let myself enjoy it. But that doesn't change the fact that there was too much for us to overlook.

I wanted to ask him about it, about us and our history - but I was scared that mentioning our fighting would change something. The glass castle would crack.

But it seems like I should have brought it up earlier, we needed this.

I want to hit him again, because that's how I talk, I've never been good with words. But i’ve spent the past 10 minutes talking the way _I_ do best, it’s time to make him return the favor.

“You know, It’s dangerous to be bleeding out over a vampire.” He looks up at me, his snarl ready.

I'm not going to entertain him anymore. He always said he was better than me with his words, now he’s gotta prove it.

“So you admit it.” It's not contemptuous, but it might sound like it to Baz, so I slacken my grip on his shirt. Not enough to let him go, but enough so that he knows I'm not angry, _not about that._

I get to see his fangs for the first time when he hisses at me. Literally hisses like a cat. Like a last wall of defense, or like he’s trying to scare me away. Too bad I've always known.

“So what, Baz. I don't care.” But that's the wrong thing to say apparently, his anger is reborn. He grabs my hands where they meet his shirt and he flings my hands off him.

“ _You don’t care_ , what a bunch of _bollocks_ ” He's in my face but he hasn’t thrown me off completely. 

“I’ve always known-”

“Oh, I’m well aware of that - you had no problem telling everyone for the past 3 years!”

“Is that what this is about? You’re angry about-”

“Of course I'm angry! About you, about the Mage, about my family! About everything!” He finally pushes me off him and stands. I'm still stunned on the ground so he's leaning over me. I can see he’s seething.

“How dare I feel terrible for being a vampire! It’s almost like you’ve been trying to out me for years! We’ve been fighting for years!“ His fangs look wicked, I can't stop staring at them.

“I could have died! Do you know what they do to people like me? You could have _killed me!_ ”

And now that he’s finished he notices I'm staring. And he begins to shy away, covering his mouth. I can see him shrinking back but I can't let him leave.

“Baz what do you want me to say? I told you I don't care.”

“You could start with ‘I’m sorry’.”

It's simple, and it makes sense, but it wouldn’t be the truth.

“I did what I did because of what _you_ did to me,” I stand up and I'm not letting the three inches he has on me intimidate me.

“You pushed me, I wanted to get along! I always did. But you couldn’t let us. From the second the crucible cast us you’ve fought it. You wouldn’t even shake my hand without magic forcing you to.”

He looks like he’s in pain as he rebuttals,“ I had to fight you!”

“Well, I had to fight _you._ ”

And now we’re at a stand still.

**Baz’s Pov**

We’ve fought and we’ve talked. My brain knows he’s right but my heart feels like I’m right. I want to be mad at Simon. I want to get in his face and punch him again. I want to make him bleed while I fantasize about licking it off him. But I know that he has his reasons for what he did in the past, just like I did.

I'm still angry, but it no longer feels right to take this out on him.

The adrenaline of our fist fight has finally receded and I am forced to come to terms with how tired I am.

He speaks up when he figures I don't have anything else to say. “But we stopped fighting last year.”

He's looking at me with a face that is almost calm. He must be tired too.

“I tried to sabotage it, but it didn’t work. We - well, I realised I couldn’t hate you” He looks down at his feet, and I look down as well. Now that we’ve stopped punching each other I'm beginning to remember why it was so hard for me to hate him.

“Look, Baz - I think-” he pauses and my eyes look up to catch his. I see his face which has become earnest, and the wobble of his Adam's apple as he collects his thoughts.

“I’m sorry.” and now I feel like shit.

He’s so good. I punched him in the face and now he’s apologizing to me.

“Simon-”

“Baz - stop, let me. Please.” He walks a bit closer to me, and it looks like he might reach a hand out toward me, but thinks better of it.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have let my anger stop me from telling you about your mother. I-” he gets just a bit closer with every word.

“Simon-”

“- shouldn’t have been such a tosser to you. I know I sometimes took the vampire stuff too far.”

It's almost more painful to hear him apologize. I know I must look like I’m in agony - I kind of am, ”Simon-”

“I wish I would’ve tried harder to get along with you before all this stuff. The truth is, I never really tried to see you as anything other than a Pitch.”

I have to do something, I grab him by the shoulders. “Simon stop” I feel like I’m going to cry. He can’t do this. I promised myself he would never see me cry.

“Baz-”

“Shut up, you moron!” I'm no longer holding his shoulders, I've fully embraced him. Partly to hide my tears, partly because I can't believe he’s actually done it. Simon Snow apologized to me, He’s beating himself up because I've made him feel guilty. _It's supposed to feel good but now I feel like even more of a piece of shit._

_“_ Shut your fucking mouth, I don’t want to hear you say anything else.”

**Simon’s Pov**

I thought this was what he wanted. This is what he asked for, but now he’s crying on my shoulder. _Actually crying, a blubbery nose and shot voice. All that._ He’s got his arms around me, and I'm slightly confused ( _I'm always confused around him)_. Why is he crying?

“You always know how to make me feel like shit, don’t you, Simon?” His voice cracks.

He lifts his head up from my shoulders but his eyes stay shut,”Fuck you!” It's not a shout but it was meant to be.

“Merlin, you're so bloody perfect you can’t even let me be properly furious! I get angry and I yell at you for the things that are my own fault and you apologize. Don’t you get it Simon, you’re too good for me.”

He says it like it’s painful, like every word is tearing him apart.

It might be.

I'm too stunned to say anything else, but that's fine because he wasn’t finished anyways.

“I came out here to yell at you, I came back to school knowing I would ignore you, I ridiculed you every chance I got and I tried to kill you! Why are you apologizing? You should hate me!”

“You asked me to...”

“Because I was angry! But you’re right, this whole time, you’ve been right.”

“What do you want from me then, Baz?” He’s still holding on to me.

“I want you to leave me alone.”

“You know I can't do that!”

“Why?”

He focuses on my face while he asks, he’s moved back so he’s just grabbing my arms, one in each hand.

“You walked away in our room, and you should stay away.”

“Baz I won't, you know I won't.”

“But you should.”

I make sure he sees how serious I am. “I won’t”

He turns away and runs his hands through his hair. Even now, tired - bloody - I think he looks stunning. Even with his fangs in my face I thought so.

“I’m dangerous,” It’s a stupid thing to say but he says it like he means it, “I could hurt you. I have before”

“And so have I!” And he turns to me again like this was something he never considered, even though it's exactly what we’ve been fighting over.

“We’ve both hurt each other.” As I'm saying it I realize how nervous I am. If I say one thing wrong I could mess this up. And I've never been good with words, but I have to try.

“It’s the truth, and neither of us can change that,” I pause and I swallow, I know it's stupidly showy because Baz looks down and back up again. “But, I forgive you.”

I can hear the trees rustling and I can feel the wind blowing. It's a gentile calmness on my skin. I can see Baz’s hair blow in the breeze.

“ I decided last year, begrudgingly, that I would see where being friends with a nice Baz would take me, and I guess that's the same as forgiveness.”

“And if it isn’t, I’ll say it now, Baz - I forgive you.”

It’s dramatic, like a Shakespeare play. I can’t believe all of these words were able to come out of my mouth without fucking things up.

“Can you forgive me?” 

**Baz’s Pov**

This night has been strange for me. So much fighting and so much touching between me and Simon Snow. 

I can’t keep myself away from him after that. He just had to come along and say all the right things. I pull him into another hug.

I don’t know what to do, I thought it was best for me to stay away from Simon, that I would just cause him more harm than good. But he’s made it clear that he won't make that easy for me. _And I want to give in, it's so easy to be here, him in my arms. How could I forget? I love him. I thought I needed to save him, but he saved me._

“I'm so sorry Simon” And in my arms I can feel him release a deep sigh. Like _finally_ , he is at peace.

“Thanks Baz”, he has his head resting on my shoulder and wraps the arms that were at his side around me. There are some tears in his eyes. It’s nowhere near the amount I've cried (Lord, I've made a fool of myself), but it still makes me feel better to know this means something to him too.

“I really needed this.” He says.


	10. I'll be your mirror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW, ok so this is the first long fic i have ever finished!
> 
> Thanks so much to everyone who read this and left a comment, it really helped motivate me! And also thank you so much @orangeyougladididntsaybanana, i definitely would not have had the confidence to keep posting with out someone to proof read and offer advice/ the British words for stuff.

**Simon’s POV**

The shriek of the kettle wakes me from my small day dream. One second I’m staring out at the field thinking about what veggies to add to the raised bed I've been planning and the next I'm being interrupted. 

But boy, do I love some snapping peas, fantastic to snack on.

With a flick of my wrist and the ring attached to it, I pull the pot off the hob.

**_“They can sing, they can dance.”_ **

It’s a wonderful spell that Cook Pritchard taught me, I make good use of it. Merlin knows how terrible I am with remembering things, I'll be in the middle of meeting with the dryad and suddenly remember I’ve got pasta boiling on the hob. This spell makes it easy to move pots and pans over a couple of feet, nothing extraordinary- but my life doesn't _need_ to be.

The only thing I need to worry about now is rounding the goats up at the end of the night, grading my magical creatures tests, and making sure Baz doesn’t work himself half - or I guess the _other half -_ to death _._

The kettle settles on the counter, right onto the crocheted oven glove Agatha sent me. I get up and as I stand up I look at the watch on my wrist, 16:15. Yup, it's about that time now. I walk to the cupboard and get out two cups, my favorite ones- with the cherries and other berries painted onto the ceramics - and put in the tea infusers shaped like cats (I think they’re good fun!).

I’m making his favorite today - Earl Grey.

It's beginning to become my favorite too.

After I've set everything out I pour the water in and once I'm done I rest the kettle back on the oven glove.

Against my best wishes, I can't help but think of her right now…

~~~~

‘Simon.” She's standing in front of me: beautiful, radiant, and no longer mine. Just how she wants to be.

“I’m leaving.” It's quick, like she's rushing to get the words out. Needing to say them before they melt away.

I'm not sure what to say to her. Like, there’s honey in my mouth, sticky and clogging. It's not like we’re dating anymore, and even if we were - it's her choice innit?

“Where are you going?” I finally ask. But I can’t help but wonder, is that too much to ask? Does she even want me to know? I don't know where the lines lie anymore. Everything is confusing now. Without magic - without the Mage. 

She looks around, not sure how to answer I think. As I continue to stare at her I feel like maybe _she_ should have been the main character. She has the hair for it, the face for it, the background and the history. Even the desire for the devilish plot twist at the end.

“I'm leaving for America. Over there the world of mages and normals are connected,” She finally looks at me, “ I… I was never happy here, you know that I’m sure.”

“Is this about magic?” I rush to ask.

“Not everything is about magic, Simon. Sometimes it's explicitly _about not_ having magic.” And for some reason I feel like she's insulting me. She says it like she’s angry.

“I have no control over that! You know I never wanted to lose-”

“Not everything is about _you,_ Simon!” She’s almost yelling, but not really. Someone like her doesn't yell. Or maybe she does and I just still can't wrap my head around it. “Not everything is your fault.”

“I'm not leaving because of you, it's not for _you_ , it's for _me_!” She pauses, thinking about what to say or how to say it, “Simon, sometimes I wish I was you, I really do. No family, no burden, no magic.”

Now I’m angry, how dare she say that to me, she has no clue - she doesn't understand. I step closer to try and talk some sense into her, “Don't talk like that, don’t try and act like you understand what it was really like for me!”

“I know that you were free.” There is something in her eyes, no matter what I say it doesn't go away. Something like resolve.

“Not really.” I want to break it, I want her to see that the life I lived before and the life I live now - they aren’t goals - and no one should be striving for them. I’m basically worthless.

“More free than me.”

I can't reply, too furious to even correct her. What does being free mean if you can’t do anything with it? _I can’t do anything anymore._

“And anyway, if not before- you’re free now. You’re free while the rest of us still have the same burdens as before.”

She's talking about magic maybe, or about politics and the wars - they haven't gone away, not really.

She leans closer, and for the first time in - well ever, really- looking at me and saying what she means. 

“I’d do anything to get rid of it, my magic. I don't want it Simon, come on over and take mine.”

I push her away, “Stop talking like that, you don't know what you’re saying”

“I do” and that's that.

~~~~~

We didn’t leave each other on good terms, in fact I thought I’d never wanted to see her again after what we said to each other. But everyone says and does things they don't mean when they’re mad, and the older I got the more I was able to understand what she was trying to say.

That, and going to see her in America. It was then that I really understood.

She was glowing. The California sun turned her golden and her magic flew like her hair in the wind - out of her hands and into the breeze like a songbird.

She couldnt get rid of it, not fully, but she doesn't have too. Out there you can use magic anywhere, as long as you don't spook the Normals out too much.

She sent me that oven glove as a wedding gift. She made it herself with her own hands, no magic involved. She was so proud. I could practically feel her joy radiating through the letter she sent me with it. Baz said the letter might have had some magic infused, but I think it was just me - I miss her a whole lot. In fact the only people who miss her more than me are Mrs. and Dr. Wellbelove. They come and visit me often. We’ve grown quite close since Agatha left.

I was worried that they wouldn't want to see me after what happened. Thought maybe they would blame me for Agatha’s departure, but they never did. I remember it quite well, the first time they reached out to me. It made me so happy when they told me I could come over for Christmas still- me _and_ Baz if we wanted too. They probably just missed having people over the house for the holidays, but I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, and I'd never turn down free food. Not in this lifetime at least.

They came down to Watford just to invite me - and to see headmistress Bunce probably.

But - Hell! I look around the house,The tea is done steeping now surely? Where is he?

I pout - I know I do, but I can't help it. I'm stuck here all alone until Baz comes home.

What a prick, honestly! He’s always late. I don't know why I thought he would be on time tonight- he only promised it over and over. 

He does the same thing every day when he returns! Comes in half an hour after he promises and begs me to let him sleep on the bed instead of kicking him off to the couch. He says he’ll be on time tomorrow, but then something always pops up.

That's it, I'm spelling our bed to a single tonight, no room for arguments!

I pull the cats out and move the cups to our table. I'm sitting here stewing for a few more minutes before my stomach starts to rumble.

Merlin, I really need to find a replacement to **_Be Our Guest_** _._ You can't cast it on yourself, you need someone else at the table to use it - but I'm so hungry. Is he actually gonna make me get up and rummage through the cabinets for food all by myself?

Motherfucker.

It's when I’m head first in the pantry that I hear the lock click and the door rush open. On my way out I nearly bang my head on the shelf I was looking under but I made it out of that treacherous food monster safely.

I get ready to yell at him, but I find myself blown away as he steps in, because this never gets old.

Watching him walk in, overflowing papers in hand, studded leather bag ( one I know is spelled endless, so why bother holding anything anyways? Stupid idiot), hair in a bun. Crowely, he’s so beautiful.

Is it weird to say he reminds me a bit of Penny’s dad? (Not that I’m attracted to Penny’s dad - well maybe a little- 

-no definitely not)

He wears glasses now, and his clothes are no longer new and sleek. They are well worn- but strong and durable. It’s because I yell at him everytime he buys something too flashy- it’s not like he's got the Pitch money anymore.

Also, you can see it on his face, his work - but not in a bad way. Not like he’s been soaked, wiped, and wrung out like a rag, more like - he lives it. (He’s the cliché university professor - the nerdy one that all the girls secretly have the hots for.)

I certainly know he loves it. If he didn’t, he would stop. 

Who would have thought - elocution.( _‘if I can teach_ you _to speak with magic- I can teach anyone, surely._ ’ And he was _so_ smug about it too).

“Simon, sorry i'm late…”

The nerve of this man.

I turn away from him, “Talk to the hand”, I tease and I stick mine up in defiance.

He looks like the wind just blew him in, he sets his bag and all the papers, probably some essays or some tests of his own to mark, and he walks over to me.

With a fake look of devotion he gently grabs my hand, “Oh, Mr. Palm - so beautiful and so radiant - mine eyes hath never seen such a creature.” And he’s so dramatic about it, practically swooning. 

He spares me one look before he brings my hand to his face and places a small kiss on my palm, then on the top - the way a prince would to a fair maiden.

Merlin, he’s gonna make me combust.

“I'm gonna smother you in your sleep tonight.” I try to sound angry about it.

“You wouldn’t dare.” His eyes are lighting up, he says this through a smile that was a smirk at first, but he can’t help but make it real.

“And I’ll cry at your funeral. The biggest bloody tears anyone’s ever seen, leaving none the wiser.”

“Come on, love. Let’s have some tea.” He leaves me for the cuppa on the table.

“You’ll be lucky if it's still warm.”

  
  


We sit down and I’m still faking some hostility, but who can stay mad when they see Baz adding spoonful after spoonful of sugar into his tea. Certainly not me.

He pulls out his wand and taps on his cup, murmuring a quiet **_Some Like it Hot_ ** _._

Now that he’s here, I can spell some food on to the table. I make good use of the scones that appear. So does Baz. He loves them now too. And I love how much he loves them. Baz picks one up, brings it to his mouth (such pretty lips) and bites. And he looks so happy.

“Mm.” He makes a sound of content. 

I love it, I really do. I pause my own snacking just to watch him as he takes bites in between shuffling through his papers. He’s got a fantastic blush on his cheeks.( He must have fed before coming in) It might be from the food, or it might be because he knows I'm watching him, I always am.

I once told him that every time he feels my eyes on him, he should take that as “I love you”. That everytime I look at him, I'm overcome with an emotion that I cannot put into words. I just can’t. It's still too much for me. But it’s easier to convey it with actions than with words. So instead of saying - or trying to say and failing- I just look at him. Sometimes there is a smile and sometimes there isn't, but there is always a _look._ A flash of emotion. One that makes _these_ looks different from any other.

I want him to know that I love him.

But also that he’s sleeping in the living room tonight.

(Oh who am I kidding, I can’t sleep without him next to me anyways - but I need to pretend for just long enough - that's how we keep things interesting)

“I talked to Penny today.” It's the first thing he says once he’s done snacking.

“Oh yeah? How is she” I'm curious, and a little jealous that she’d call Baz before me.

“She says things are good, Shepard is being difficult - as always - but it's nothing she can’t handle, obviously.”

I sigh, “I just wonder why she doesn't call me..” now I'm pouting again, I know it.

“Simon, when do you ever have your phone on you?” He’s right, but I don’t want to admit it.

“She could possess one of the goats really quick, I would notice that!”

“You know, it goes both ways. _You_ should try calling next time.”

“Shut up! Ok I get it… I’ll call her tomorrow.”

He really is my better half. I guess that’s what it means to be soulmates.

~~~~~~~

**Baz’s POV**

Did you know that the shivering, cold body of a broken young man can fit in the small space between my body, the bed, and the wall of Penelope Bunce’s room?

To say that he’s been torn to shreds is an understatement.

More like - he’s fallen apart at the seems. Every molecule of his body is fighting to separate, and the only thing keeping him together is my arms, strongly interlocked around him.

I’ve watched him cry at least four times today. I'm starting to think it's the only thing he can do right now. But that's fine. Simon, cry all you want, let the tears fall. I’ll collect them in a glass bottle and cork it up. I’ll kiss them off your cheeks. I’ll take them all into me, I’ll turn your tears into diamonds. I’ll crush them up and scatter them around you, throw them into the wind, drop them into the sea. Whatever you need, I'll be it. Whatever must be done, I’ll do it. For you, I am limitless.

Just tell me, just speak to me. Just do something other than lay there. Please, that's all _I_ need. Watching you suffer is like snuffing out my own heart.

I need you.

I love you.

You interrupt my thoughts by shifting around. Moving.

For the first time in hours you turn to look at me. No one speaks. I don’t say anything and neither do you. My eyes start to water but yours are now dry. I see you looking at me, and your eyes never waver.

With my arms around you, you settle down slowly - for the first time in a long while. Since last week when the Mage died, when everything changed.

Nothing happens after you turn to me. We lay in silence together.

But through the noiseless room, through the open window and the breeze, through the bed that's no longer creaking because there is barely any life on it - there is one thing that is noticeable. With just one look I can see it. In your eyes there is something that shines bright. Some emotion - which is crazy because I’d thought by now you’d be consumed in misery - and perhaps you are, but there is something else.

I don't want to get my hopes up, and maybe this is just my own feelings reflected, but I see something, as clear as day inside them.

_I love you too._


End file.
